Crossed Over
by Jonathan R
Summary: It finally happened. All those hours and hours of watching Cartoon Cartoons have taken their toll on me. I have been zapped into their world!! Will I ever make it back home? Complete!
1. It Started Out Innocently At First

"Crossed Over"

  
  


(This story is inspired from my long-time admiration of the Cartoon Cartoons. All characters are property of their respective creators.)

  
  


It was Friday night. 

  
  


And like any Friday night, I was planted in front of the TV. I wasn't watching FOX, or any of the other local networks. I was tuned in to Cartoon Cartoon Fridays on Cartoon Network. It's the only thing I watch on Friday nights, from 7 to 11.

I'm not exactly sure which show I was watching at the time, but I soon heard my mother in the other room telling me to go to sleep. I calmly told her that I had no intention to turn the TV off whatsoever. She warned me that watching too much TV could give me nightmares. 

Typical parental response. How could watching cartoons give me nightmares anyway?

  
  


I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, I buy things from Cartoonnetwork.com all the time. My sister calls me a "toonophile", or someone who really loves cartoons, and mocks me sometimes. She just doesn't understand the genius of a falling anvil or some exploding TNT. The fact that I'm seventeen doesn't make it any easier, either.

  
  


Come to think of it, it's partly my family's fault that I'm so crazy for cartoons. When I was little, they only allowed me to watch PBS, or Disney, or Nick Jr. Things like that. For some reason, I never grew out of it. (Well, actually I did. I just moved on to more mature toons.) Plus, I live only a couple hours away from Walt Disney World, and I've been a frequent visitor. To say that Cartoon Network is my religion, however, would be an overstatement....it's more of a cult, really. (Haha. Not funny. Yeah, I know.)

  
  


So, anyway, I continued watching TV. Soon, my eyelids were becoming heavier. I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that cake for dessert. Eventually, I began to nod off. Before I fell asleep, I muted the TV.

  
  


I ended up sleeping on the couch. 

  
  


When next I awoke, I discovered that I wasn't exactly at home anymore....

  
  


(A.N. Sorry this chapter is so short, but trust me...the chapters will be getting longer. And better.)


	2. Welcome to Townsville

"Welcome to Townsville"

  
  


I began waking up. I couldn't see very well. My vision was slightly blurry. I began thinking to myself if I remembered to turn the TV off or not. My thoughts were interrupted by a ZOOM sound occurring off to the side. It sounded like a car driving by at a great speed.

Wait.....a car? I opened my eyes a little wider and my vision became clearer. I felt my adrenaline flowing throughout my body as I let out a horrified scream.

  
  


I wasn't on my couch anymore.

  
  


I was outside in broad daylight, on top of a hill in the country. Next to me was a two-lane highway that led to a sprawling metropolis. Tall skyscrapers pointed up to sky. Next to it lay a large body of water. 

This realization was shocking enough as it was, but what made this ordeal even more shocking was the fact that everything was animated! The reds were too red. The greens were too green. Every movement appeared as though it was created on a fast-moving set of frames and splashed with Technicolor! 

The second shock came when I discovered that I was animated as well! I wore the same clothes I had on when I fell asleep, but there wasn't a wrinkle or crease on them. My body had incredibly simplified features, and I had the most plainest shadow you've ever seen. I had become an illustration!

I spent about two or three minutes screaming my head off, before I came to a stop. I think it would've been perfectly reasonable for me to drop dead from fright at that moment. However, since I didn't want to think about what the inside of a cartoon funeral home looked like, I decided to try and find a way out of here. I began walking slowly toward the city.

As I walked, I began wondering if this was all a dream. I groaned as I immediately discovered it wasn't. I'd seen enough cartoons and TV shows by now to know that whenever a character says they're in a dream, most of the time they actually are. Besides, whoever heard of someone having a dream where they know they are in a dream? Not me.

Suddenly, a giant sign caught my eye. I began running towards it. I came to a sudden stop as I read what was written on it:

"Welcome to the city of Townsville. Population: 1306839. Enjoy your visit. Watch out for monsters. No curse words beyond this point." 

I actually began smiling. It was like a dream come true! I must've somehow been transported into the cartoon universe! It was the only explanation, illogical as it was.

I began heading into town. The only bad thing that happened was when I stubbed my foot on a rock. I began cursing out loud before I stopped myself, remembering what the sign said. I shouldn't have been worried. All I said was "$#@%*!"

As I entered suburbia, I spotted a taxi parked on the curb. I reached in my pocket and I felt a few coins. I ran to the taxi and hopped in.

"How far into town will this get me?" I asked the fat taxi driver, as I showed him the money.

"Prob'ly the Mayor's office," he said in a New York accent.

"Great! Take me there." 

The man put the car into gear and we headed into town. We only traveled a couple of blocks when we drove by a very familiar house. I gasped in astonishment. The white house looked like an ordinary house, except it had three large holes in the upper story.

"Hey, man," I said, shakily. "Is...is that...?"

"The Powerpuff girls' house? Yep, it sure is," said the driver. 

I also saw a man in a lab coat watering the plants in the front yard. "And that's Professor Utonium!" I said eagerly.

"Hey, y'know, you sure know a lot of stuff, for a tourist," said the driver.

  
  


It was at that moment that I realized the irony involved here. Nobody here in this animated realm was aware that they were being viewed by everyone from my world. I decided that I had to act as though I didn't know anyone here for as long as I stayed here. Of course, given the fact that I pretty much knew everything about all the cartoons here made my decision harder to carry out. 

I sat in the back seat of the taxi, taking in all the sights of the city of Townsville. There seemed to be a lot more construction crews here than there were in any city back home. I wasn't surprised. Townsville got destroyed by monsters all the time, so it made sense.

At last, the taxi pulled up to City Hall. I paid the driver the money I owed him, and went inside. The lobby looked like a regular lobby for a government building, complete with a front desk and secretary. I walked up to the secretary behind the front desk.

"Excuse me, ma'am," I said to the secretary. "Could you direct me to the Mayor's office?"

The twenty-year old woman behind the desk looked at me and quirked up an eyebrow. "Do you have an appointment?" she asked.

"Why, certainly!" I answered. I knew that if I said no, I'd have to go somewhere else, like the Powerpuff girls' house or something.

"Very well," sighed the secretary. "Just follow the signs." She pointed to an arrow on the wall.

"Thank you," I said, and proceeded down a hallway directed by signs. As I walked, I asked myself why I didn't just go to the Powerpuff girls' house in the first place. I resolved that I'd be too anxious to see them and blow my cover as an unsuspecting tourist. Plus, the Mayor was bound to have a bunch of maps to the city. Maybe one that could show me the way back home!

  
  


After walking up a flight of stairs and down a few more halls, I arrived at two large, decorated doors. A woman was standing next to them. She had red hair, an incredible figure, and was wearing a red dress. (I'd describe her face if I could, but I don't want to bore you with details.)

"Excuse me," I said shakily. "Are you Miss Bellum?"

"Why, yes!" she said. "May I help you, young man?"

"Yes, I'd like to speak with the Mayor. I'd...um...like some information about the...roads leading out of Townsville. I'm a tourist, see."

"Hmmm," said Ms. Bellum. "Sorry, but the Mayor is very busy at the moment and can't be disturbed. Why don't we go down to the lobby? There are some maps down there that should help you out."

"OK," I said. I'd wanted to talk to the Mayor about this, but maybe Ms. Bellum was right. I started walking back down the hallway with Ms. Bellum.

  
  


Suddenly, the ground started to shake. I kept my balance, thinking it was an earthquake. But I knew that was impossible. The vibrations were starting and stopping repeatedly...like something very big was walking by outside. I concluded that a monster was running around Townsville again. It might look impressive on the TV screen, but trust me...you wouldn't be thinking that if you were actually there!

I was busy panicking when I heard Ms. Bellum shout, "The Mayor!" and she dashed down the hall toward the Mayor's office. I followed. Cracks began appearing in the walls and ceiling as we ran into the Mayor's office.

Inside the elaborate office was a desk. On the desk was a short man in a golf outfit. He was playing miniature golf on the desk. I realized the monster's stomping was causing him to miss the hole.

"Oh, darn it," he griped to himself. A golf ball had landed in a flower pot. He looked in our direction. "Ms. Bellum, would you hand me my sand wedge?"

"Never mind that, Mayor! A monster is attacking the city again!" she yelled.

"Oh, uh, it is?" asked a bewildered Mayor.

Before anyone could answer, the ENTIRE OFFICE CEILING gave way! The three of us were stunned to see an enormous monster standing above us. He had scaly red skin, sharp teeth and claws, and spikes on his head. He was holding the ceiling in one of his paws. All twenty of his eyeballs looked in our direction. It began to reach for us.

Ms. Bellum ran to the phone in one direction. I grabbed the Mayor and jumped in the other direction.

"My goodness!" the Mayor said to me. "We'd better call the girls!"

"Already on it, Mayor!" shouted Ms. Bellum on the other side of the room. She picked up a colorful phone with a shiny face on it. While she was alerting the girls, I hid under the desk with the Mayor. The monster's claw was searching for us. Maybe the big brute won't find us, I though to myself. Maybe his claws will be too big and clumsy to grab us. Maybe...

Suddenly, the desk we were under was thrown aside. The monster looked down on us with hungry eyes. Ms. Bellum ran to us as the clawed hand began reaching down towards us. Ms. Bellum, the Mayor, and I began screaming as we tried to dodge the scaly paw.

  
  


Just then, I heard a 'CHOO' sound off to the side. I looked up and saw a red streak of light fly over us and collide with the monster at a great speed. The monster roared in pain and began stepping back. Then, another 'CHOO' sound was heard, and a blue streak struck the monster from behind. Finally, another 'CHOO' and a green streak hit the monster right in the jaw. Some teeth flew out of the monster's mouth. I watched in amazement as the colored streaks of light continuous attacked the monster.

"Go, girls, go!" I shouted. I don't know why, it just seemed like the right thing to say at the time.

At last, the monster collapsed onto the road. It had big 'X's where it's eyes should've been. Then, the streaks flew to the office floor and revealed, in their glory, the Powerpuff Girls. I was frozen with amazement. I had seem them on TV. I had seen them in theaters. Now, here they were, right before my eyes! Before I could move, each of the girls grabbed Ms. Bellum, the Mayor, and me and flew down to the sidewalk in front of the Mayor's office.

  
  


"Thank you again, girls," said the Mayor.

"No prob, Mayor," said Blossom. "It's our job, after all."

"Are you okay, Ms. Bellum?" asked Bubbles, sympathetically.

"Yes, thank you," answered Ms. Bellum.

"How about you?" Buttercup asked me. "You don't look so good."

I suppose I didn't look very good at all, given my bewildered expression and shabby clothing.

"Um...I'm OK," I stammered. I wanted to talk to them some more; learn everything about Townsville that I'd always wanted to know. However, I had a mission I had to complete: Get back home!

"Could, um, either of you tell me which direction I need to go to exit Townsville? I'm...on vacation." That was sort of the truth. Kind of.

"Sure," said Blossom. "You just keep going down that road. It heads out of Townsville eventually." She pointed her finger-less hand down the road.

"You girls need anything?" asked the Mayor.

"Nope," said Buttercup. "We need to be going home now."

"Yeah! It's time for dinner," said Bubbles.

"Bye, Mayor!" chimed all three girls. Then, with a great big 'CHOO', the Powerpuff Girls flew into the sky, creating a three-color rainbow behind them.

  
  


No longer seeing any reason to stick around, I headed down the road. I began asking myself, why didn't I just stay here for a few days or so? The answer was simple: I didn't know the first thing about living in a world like this. Plus, I barely had any money left, so I couldn't stay at a hotel or anything. Also, I began worrying about my family. I wondered if I would return home at the exact moment I'd left, like in those time-machine stories, or if time here moved at the same rate as time did back home. I glanced at a clock tower and noticed that it was 5:45 P.M. I wasn't hungry, but I happened to walk across a grocery store at that moment. In front of the store, someone was giving away free samples of hors d'oeuvres. I put a few in my pocket and kept walking.

My main concern now was jet lag, if you could call it that. I fell asleep back home at around ten o'clock. But since I awoke here, I had no idea what time it was back home. I hoped my family wouldn't notice I was gone.

  
  


As I began leaving the city limits, I ran into a white dog on the sidewalk.

"Pardon me," said the Talking Dog, and kept on walking. 

I sighed to myself and continued out of the city of Townsville. I heard a person's radio next to me shout out, "So once again the day is saved, thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!"

  
  


(Next Chapter: I meet the Eds!)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. For Your EDutainment

"For Your EDutainment"

  
  


I continued walking down the street. I kept passing a bunch of unrecognizable Powerpuff Girls characters. None of them talked to me and I didn't talk to them. I had to figure out what to do once I left the city. As I walked, I put my hands into my jeans pockets again and discovered that I still had a few coins left. Just enough to buy some candy. I walked into a nearby candy store and bought four jawbreakers. They were almost as big as my head, and they looked really good. But I didn't have much of an appetite right now, so I put them into my back pockets and kept walking. (I had feared that the jawbreakers would cause noticeable bulges in my jeans but they didn't! They just, I dunno, disappeared in them! I guess that's how cartoon characters are able to whip large objects out from behind their backs all the time.) 

  
  


I don't know how long I walked until I realized the buildings were becoming smaller and more residential. That made me glad; I was finally exiting Townsville. However, that wasn't the only difference I saw.

I stopped as I looked around. The neighborhood I found myself in was less detailed than downtown Townsville. Everything was brighter and more pastel-like. I scratched my head trying to figure out why.

I saw my arm out of the corner of my eye and did a double take. I shouted out as I saw what had happened to me. The entire outline of my body was an incredibly thick dark line...and it was FIDGETING! It was blinking back and forth like it was alive!

Once I saw this squiggly animation phenomenon, I knew exactly which show I was in.

As I smiled to myself, I arrived at an intersection. I looked to the right and saw a dead-end. My spine began tingling as I walked in that direction. As I walked closer, I saw that it wasn't just a dead-end, but a cul-de-sac. A very familiar one, too. I arrived at the cul-de-sac and saw several houses surrounding it. 

I knew the Eds had to be at one of them.

  
  


I decided to temporarily abandon my quest to find my way home in order to explore this area. I began walking along the circular sidewalk. Halfway around, I stopped. Right in front of me was a rope net attached to an overhanging oak bough. This trap was obviously set by one of the kids. I easily sidestepped it and continued on my way. Suddenly, I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye! A figure had dashed behind a nearby house. I quickly ran down a small side yard in the direction of where I saw the stranger. I had the fence on my right and the house on my left. Before I knew it, I arrived at the corner of the house, and I pressed myself up against the wall. Taking a deep breath, I peeked around the corner of the house.

I was met with a spray of shockingly cold water. It knocked me clear off my feet! I heard insane laughter as the water kept spraying me.

"I got him! I got him!" said one voice.

"Eddy! That's not the enemy! It's just some stranger!" said another voice.

"I am a llama! Spitting water!" said a third voice.

The water stopped spraying at me. Drenched with water, I sat up. I wiped the water away from my eyes as I saw three young boys staring at me. They had squiggly outlines around their bodies too. The first boy was wearing a striped shirt and a green overcoat. He had a demented look on his face, and so I figured he must be Ed. The second boy was wearing a black hat, red shirt, shorts, and shoes. I knew he had to be Edd. The third boy, the one who sprayed me, was wearing a yellow shirt, jeans, and had three long black strands of hair. He, of course, was Eddy. All three boys were carrying large water guns. Eddy's gun was connected to a huge backpack filled with water on his back. 

"Sorry about that, sir," said Edd, sympathetically. "Are you alright?"

"Double-D! Don't talk to him! He could be on the enemy's side!" said Eddy.

"He is as wet as a walrus," uttered Ed, stupidly.

"Could someone please tell me what the heck is going on?!" I shouted.

The Eds stopped and looked at me oddly. Edd spoke up first. "We are currently engaged in a water gun war against the other kids in the area."

"You Eds against everyone else, right?" I asked smugly.

"Hey! How do you know who we are?" asked Eddy suspiciously.

Crap. I did it again. Now I had to think of another excuse of how I got here and fast. I immediately came up with the first thing that came to my mind. "Well, I went on a secret mission to the enemy's secret base and they kept talking about you guys, so that's how I know about you." Now, would they buy it? Ed did, obviously. Edd seemed to accept it, although he was still skeptical. Eddy didn't believe me at all.

"Waaait a minute..." said Eddy as he pointed the water gun at my nose. "How do we know you're not some secret agent from the enemy sent here to gather information about where we are, hmm?"

"Eddy is the Jawbreaker Mastermind," said Ed as he stared off into the distance.

That's when it hit me. The jawbreakers! I could use them to get me on their side! I reached behind me and pulled out three of the four jawbreakers out of my back pockets and showed them to the Eds. "If I give you these jawbreakers, will you let me be on your side?" 

All three boys nodded their heads as they greedily eyed the giant spheres of candy. "Thanks," I said and I handed the jawbreakers to the Eds. They stuck the candy in their cheeks, which caused them to swell bigger than their own heads!

"So," I said. "Where's my gun?"

  
  


Meanwhile, in a different part of the cul-de-sac, three boys and two girls were huddled around a large piece of paper in a backyard. They were discussing plans about how to infiltrate the "enemy's" defenses. 

Ed's little sister, Sarah, spoke up. "Okay, we've been waiting all winter for the first water fight of the year, and here it is. We've had a few victories already, but it's not over yet."

"Yeah," said Kevin. "Remember that ambush I pulled off behind the shed? Those dorks never knew what hit them!"

"Yes!" said the Hispanic kid named Rolf. "It reminded me of the War of the Yorba People. It was-..."

"Rolf, I think we have more pressing matters at hand," said Nazz in an irritated tone of voice. 

"Right," agreed Sarah. "Those Eds are going to keep at it unless we defeat them savagely and mercilessly."

"Great!" said Jonny. "Wait. What's that, Plank?" Jonny turned to his best friend, Plank. "Plank says that the current blueprints for the next plan aren't going to work unless we make one quick change."

Kevin rolled his eyes. Everyone else asked what the change was. Jonny took a pencil and sketched a few more lines on the map of the neighborhood and explained his plan. When he was done, everyone congratulated him. "Thanks, guys! It was Plank's idea."

"Sarah! Sarah!" shouted a voice to the side. It was coming from a boy wearing a large retainer and was running towards them. 

"What is it, Jimmy?" asked Sarah.

Jimmy was panting heavily as he ran up to his friends. "I finished spying on the Eds, like you told me to, and they just added someone on their side. A really big kid I've never seen before!"

Everyone started becoming nervous. "Well, whoever this new guy is, he's not going down without a fight!" shouted Sarah. "We follow the plan and we should pull through victoriously!"

"Yes! Let us get the Ed boys!" yelled Rolf.

The kids grabbed their loaded water guns and put them in their pockets.

"Look out, dorks, here we come," said Kevin.

  
  


"How do I get myself into these messes?" I thought to myself. Here I was with a water gun in each hand plastered up against a house while the three Ed boys split up on their own reconnaissance missions. I tried to think about my allies' attributes. Ed was incredibly dumb, so it was unlikely he'd pull off any brilliant maneuvers on the enemy. Edd was the smart one, so he probably came up with an ingenious plan to ambush the other kids. Eddy could...well, I was unsure about him. He could be aggressive when he wanted to, as long as he wasn't lured into a trap by some irresistible bait.

I then began thinking about the enemy. My instincts told me all of the neighborhood kids were against me and the Eds. I knew I had to steer clear of the temperaments of Sarah, Kevin, and Rolf. I decided my best bet was to lay an assault on Jonny, Jimmy, or Nazz. Now, if I only knew where everyone was. 

I decided to get a better view. I looked to my right and saw a drainpipe. Using all of my strength, I climbed up the pipe and crawled along the roof of the house. I lay on my stomach as I surveyed the entire cul-de-sac. I saw the Eds on the far side of the circle. They had reunited without seeing any of the enemy. I gulped as I saw that they were also in trouble. Sarah, Kevin, and the rest of the kids had surrounded the Eds, who were unaware of the enemy's presence. They were planning to ambush the Eds at any second!

Part of me was fed up with all this and wanted to leave. But a bigger part of me wanted to stay and help those three boys. Ed, Edd, and Eddy were some of my favorite cartoon characters! I had watched their show from the first episode. Didn't I owe it to the Eds to save them after all the entertainment they'd provided me? Without a word, I jumped off the roof into a bush (which I not recommend you do, unless you are in a cartoon as well) and ran toward the Eds, water pistols in hand. 

  
  


"Did you see them?" asked Eddy to his buddies.

"I can't understand it!" said Edd to himself. "How can they hide themselves like that? And we searched everywhere! It was as if they weren't there at all!"

"They must have disappeared into the alternate universe!" shouted Ed, hysterically.

"SSSssshh! Be quiet, Ed," whispered Eddy. He was trying to think of what to do next. "We need to try and find that new guy so-..."

"FREEZE, DIRTBAGS!" shouted Sarah. She dove out from behind a bush and aimed her water gun at the Eds.

"Oh my. This is not good," said Edd.

Sarah let out a whistle and the rest of the kids came out from around the corners of the house and from bushes.

"Put them down, Ed boys," said Rolf.

"Yeah! We got you dorks surrounded again!" yelled Kevin.

"Oh yeah?" said Eddy, not letting his guard down. "Well, we've got a secret weapon that's gonna give us the upper hand!"

"We have upper hands?" asked Ed.

"We have a secret weapon?" asked Edd, confusingly.

  
  


"YEAH!" I shouted, and came out from behind a bush. All the kids, except the Eds, looked at me in shock. They had expected a kid their age to be on the Eds' side, not some seventeen year old guy with something behind his back. "Behold! The secret weapon!" I brought my hand out from behind my back and revealed to the kids.....the fourth jawbreaker. Some plan, huh?

All the kids busted out laughing, including the Eds.

"That's your secret weapon? A jawbreaker?" laughed Sarah.

"This guy's an even bigger dork than the Eds!" shouted Kevin.

"Hey, why are we laughing?" asked Eddy, who realized that my plan appeared to have backfired.

My plan, however, was only halfway done. Angered by Kevin's remark, I pretended to fiddle with something on the back of the jawbreaker. Then, I shouted at the top of my lungs, "This is no ordinary jawbreaker! It's a jawbreaker bomb!! And it'll go off the second it hits the ground!" Before anyone could stop me, I threw the jawbreaker high into the air.

"Aaaugh! Don't let it get me, Sarah," said Jimmy, who ducked behind her.

"Look out!" shouted Nazz.

All eyes were on the jawbreaker high in the air. My diversion worked! No one saw me as I ran quickly toward the Eds. As I ran past Jonny, I involuntarily sprayed a jet of water at Plank. I don't know why, but it was just something I've always wanted to do, I guess. I snatched up the Eds in my arms and ran like crazy into the next yard.

A few moments passed. The neighborhood kids opened their eyes and saw the jawbreaker sitting in the ground. It didn't take them long to figure out what had happened.

"Rrrrr. They tricked us!" shouted the temperamental Sarah.

"Plank! They got Plank!" yelled Jonny. He held the wet plank in his hands. "Speak to me, buddy!"

"What do we do now?" asked Jimmy.

"What we should have done in the first place," muttered Kevin. "Execute...Plan K!"

All the kids gasped. "Don't you think that's a little drastic?" asked Nazz.

Kevin looked at the "wounded" Plank. "Nope," he said. Kevin then took out a cell phone and dialed up a number. "Hello?...Yeah...uh-huh, go right on ahead." Kevin hung up.

"Ooooh, those boys are going to be in a hot pickle stew now!" said Rolf excitedly.

"C'mon! Let's head over to the rendezvous point!" said Sarah. Everyone else just stared at her. They didn't know what that big 'R' word meant. Sarah sighed. "Let's go meet up with them."

  
  


At the top of the hill that led into the cul-de-sac, a go-kart appeared. Three figures were sitting in it. They were surrounded by deflated balloons. The vehicle raced into the cul-de-sac. The license plate read "KANKER". (Uh-oh.)

Meanwhile, I was back with the Eds. They began asking me who I was and where I came from. I told them my name was Edward, and they instantly accepted me as one of them. I told them I was wandering all over the place and that I had recently stopped in Townsville. They had never met a wandering person before and they really appreciated my company. Soon, our minds got back onto the battle at hand. As we talked, some thunderclouds had appeared in the sky and thunder could be heard in the distance.

"Where is everybody now?" asked Eddy.

"I don't know!" cried Edd. "According to my calculations, they should still be in the vicinity."

"I had a calculation in my pocket once," said Ed.

"Tell you what, Edward," said Eddy to me. "Try and go around this house and we'll cover you from the rear. Got it?"

I agreed. I grabbed the water guns and made my way around the house. When I got to front yard, I said to myself that everything was quiet. Too quiet. (Great. Now I'm saying overused sayings to myself!) I looked up and saw the thunderclouds block out the sun. "Well, everything seems to be going alright," I said.

I should've kept my big mouth shut.

Immediately, a rubber something hit me in the side of the head and water exploded all over me. I slammed into the side of the house. "Eds!" I shouted, temporarily stunned.

"Y'hear, that girls? Our boyfriends are somewhere close by!" That voice. I should've known.

The Eds came running around the corner and came to my aid, but they screamed when they saw who hit me with the water balloon. "It's the Kanker sisters!" they shouted.

I got the water out of my eyes and observed three very ugly girls standing before us. They had a go-kart behind them that was filled with water balloons which were now filled with water. Standing around the Kankers were the rest of the neighborhood kids, their water guns pointed directly at us. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled ominously when I saw everyone.

"It's over, Eds," said the blue-haired Kanker girl.

"You guys are gonna get so soaked!" said the yellow-haired Kanker girl.

"Any last requests, boys, before we soak ya?" said the red-haired Kanker girl.

Once again, I asked myself how I got into this mess. Here I was facing death by water gun as the Ed boys cowered next to me. I could only come up with one plan: throw the Eds at the enemy and make my getaway. I'd be betraying them, but I definitely wanted to get out of here.

Turned out, I didn't have time to execute my plan.

  
  


I didn't know what happened next at first. I thought it was like the end of the world or something. One moment, me and the Eds were looking down the barrels of ten water guns and an infinite arsenal of water balloons. The next, an explosion occurred off to the left. A brilliant flash of white light blinded everybody! Then, an ear-splitting BOOM rocked the entire neighborhood. Everyone started screaming, including myself. We scrambled over each other, dropping our weapons in the process. All the kids ran to their homes as fast as they could while I ran out of that cul-de-sac as fast as my legs could carry me. A torrent of rain fell on me as I ran to a bus shelter at the intersection.

As I huddled under the shelter, I looked back and saw some flames on a tree, just two houses over from where we stood. Lightning must have struck it and caused everybody to panic. I concluded that the Great Water Gun War had ended in a truce....at least, for that battle.

I lay down on the bench in the shelter and my head landed on a paper sack. Inside the sack was a few dollar bills! Now I could take the bus instead of walking! I pocketed the money, hoping the Powerpuff Girls didn't catch me. Then, I decided to take a quick nap until the bus came, which was about ten minutes later.

  
  


After I left the cul-de-sac and the storm passed, the kids would have four more major water battles before fall came. The Eds got whooped every time. Still, they always remembered that big kid, Edward, and how he brought the storm to save them from defeat. The other kids went about their normal routines as well and soon forgot about me. As for the Kankers, they ran all the way home and only then remembered that they left their go-kart back at the battlegrounds. They went back to get it after the rain stopped. The Eds saw the opportunity and hid on the roof of a nearby house with the water balloons. They surprised the girls with the balloons as they hauled their slightly rusted go-kart towards home. The Eds really enjoyed that moment. You could call it payback for that one water balloon episode where the Kankers kept pelting the boys with water balloons.

So here I was, on a bus heading out of the neighborhood. I continued wondering if this was the path that could lead me back home.

  
  


(Up next: How I Became A Vegetarian....The Cow and Chicken Chapter) 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. How I Became a Vegetarian

"How I Became A Vegetarian...The Cow and Chicken Chapter"

  
  


I sat on the bus seat as the bus continued down the road. I had no clue as to where I was going. All I knew for sure was that I was heading somewhere...maybe back home. The other passengers consisted of the usual bus-riding stereotypes. Y'know, old ladies, punks, biker guys, you name it. They obviously weren't going to talk to me, so I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.

I rode on that bus for about thirty minutes before I lost my patience. Either that, or I realized I had traveled as far as my money could take me. Whichever reason it was, I got up when the bus stopped at the next bus stop, and I paid the driver. When I stepped off the bus, I viewed my surroundings. 

I saw a large swamp off to my left. To the right, I saw a house on a hill. The animation had changed again. This time, it was far more fluid and surreal than in the Powerpuff Girls or Ed, Edd, and Eddy. "This seems familiar," I said to myself. But I couldn't remember which show it was. I decided to head up to the house.

When I got there, I knocked on the front door. Right before the door opened, it suddenly hit me. I had figured out which show I was in! To confirm my suspicions, the door opened to reveal a short, skinny, malnourished chicken.

"Yeah. May I help you?" Chicken asked in a very sarcastic tone.

As you have already seen, I can come up with the most outlandish lies you've ever heard of right off the top of my head. So, after taking a second to think, I came up with a response. "I'm your cousin, Zeke!" I said with a grin.

"I ain't got no cousin Zeke," said Chicken.

"Your...DISTANT cousin Zeke," I replied.

"Will you get out a here before I call the cops?" Chicken threatened.

I probably would've left at that point, but a voice from inside the house stopped me. "Chicken? Who's at the door?" said a woman's voice. Two pairs of legs appeared behind Chicken. Judging from the shoes, the legs belonged to a man and a woman, obviously the parents of Chicken and Cow, wherever she was.

"Just some guy who thinks he's a relative of ours, Mom," pouted Chicken.

"A relative? We love relatives! C'mon in!" said Chicken's dad. Chicken glared at me as I stepped inside. I went into the kitchen and saw Cow. She was squirting milk out of her udder. The milk flew high into the air and landed in a glass next to her dinner plate.

"We were just about to serve dinner," said the Mom. "Honey, could you set an extra table setting for Zeke?"

"Don't mind if I do," said the Dad.

As they set the table, Cow waved to me and I waved back. "Are you our long lost uncle?" she asked.

"Cousin, actually," I answered.

We probably would've continued talking, but Chicken shoved me into the living room. He had quite a bit of strength for such a small chicken. "Look, whoever you are. I'm gonna allow you a little food just this once, but once you're done, you are out a here, got it?!"

This was fine by me. Cow and Chicken never was one of my favorite cartoon shows anyway.

  
  


When we were all at the table, the Dad spoke up first. "So, Zeke, how's it been?"

"Oh, um, fine," I said. "I just got off the bus today, and I feel like I've been traveling on the bus all day long, y'know?"

"Oooh! Oooh!" squealed Cow. "I've been on a bus once!" 

"Really?" I asked. "Tell me all about it!" This way, I wouldn't have to make up anymore stories.

Chicken stared at me throughout the entire dinner. When we were all done, I was positive he was going to force me out of the house, but before he had the chance, the doorbell rang. 

"Zeke, could you get that?!" yelled the Mom from upstairs.

I dashed to the door and was met by a vacuum cleaner salesman. He wore a three-piece suit, a fedora, and had a briefcase in his hand. But this wasn't just your run-of-the-mill vacuum salesman. This salesman had red skin! And no pants!!! (Yes, folks, it's that red guy again.)

"Hellllllooo," said the Red Guy. His pitiful salesman disguise made him look even more ridiculous than he already was. "May I interest you in a vacuum cleaner?"

"Uh...I....um," I stammered.

"Awww. I see you can't seem to make up your mind right now. Yes, WELL TOO BAD!!" he shouted. 

With that, the Red Guy abruptly entered the house. I was too stunned to stop him. He ran right into Chicken at that moment.

"Hey! What are you doing in my house?" Chicken then turned to me. "And didn't I tell you to scram?!"

Before I could answer, the Red Guy whipped out a vacuum cleaner from his briefcase. He turned it on and pointed the nozzle at Chicken. Chicken was instantly sucked into the vacuum cleaner.

I heard a gasp from the kitchen. It was Cow. She saw her "brother" get sucked into the vacuum cleaner too. "What are you doing, Vacuum man?!" she screeched.

"Hmm. Something tells me I've overstayed my welcome. Ta-tah!" said the Red Guy. He quickly ran past me and out the door.

"Ooooh! Help, Zeke! What do we do?" she grabbed me by my shirt collar as she said that. 

I could only think of one thing to do. "I'll go after him. You, um, stay here and...do something." I immediately ran out the door.

Cow stood alone in the living room. She thought to herself for a moment, and then she ran into a closet. She felt her hooves along the top shelf, searching for a familiar costume...

  
  


I ran out of the house just in time to see the Red Guy dash into the swamp with the vacuum and Chicken. He had apparently ditched the costume and briefcase. I ran after them through the muck-filled swamp. I tried my best to get through the swamp, but it was slow-going. Finally, I heard someone screaming. It sounded like Chicken! I ran to a bush and parted the leaves. I saw the Red Guy sitting inside a small crane that was lowering a tied-up Chicken into the bayou water. A ring of alligators was circling in the water below Chicken. I ran out into the clearing.

"Hold it! Don't move!" I shouted. I sounded like a cop. The crane stopped moving, and the Red Guy stared at me.

"Ha! And just what do you plan to do if I do move? Hmmm?" mocked the Red Guy.

To tell you truth, I didn't know what to do next at all. Because of the slimy atmosphere in the swamp and Chicken screaming "Don't just stand there, Zeke. Get me out of here!", I couldn't think clearly at the moment. I thought about launching myself at the Red Guy. But before I could, someone else beat me to it!

"AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"

The shriek echoed all over the place. I ducked and closed my eyes, thinking some swamp witch was attacking us.

"What the...?" asked Red Guy.

"Look!" shouted Chicken.

I opened my eyes and right before me stood Cow! She was dressed from horn to hoof in a wacky purple superhero costume. 

"SUPER COW!!" she shouted. She then started yelling out a bunch of Spanish words for some reason. As she did, Cow took a flying leap towards the crane! She tackled the Red Guy right out of the crane's cabin, and they fell behind a large bush. Stars and fighting sounds started coming from the bush.

I wanted to get Chicken out of here, but I didn't know how to work a crane, and the gators were still swimming nearby. I didn't need to worry, because Cow suddenly ran out from behind the bush and headed for the gators. She held the battered and bruised Red Guy above her head like a mallet and ran into the water. The next scene reminded me of the "Whack-a-Gator" arcade game where you whack the machine-like gators with a foam mallet. In short, Cow took care of those alligators very easily. She then tossed the Red Guy into deeper water. I last saw the red guy swimming off into the distance with gators right behind him.

"Thanks, Super Cow!" said the now-released Chicken.

"No thanks needed, little one, but I must be off! Mooo!" With that, Cow ran off in the direction of the house.

After a minute or so, Chicken turned to me. "Look, Zeke, um, maybe I was a little rough with you back there, so...uh..."

"No need to apologize, Chicken," I said. "I was just planning on leaving anyway. I do need to go the bathroom, though."

With that, we headed toward the house.

  
  


When I was finished, I went downstairs and saw Chicken talking to Cow about how he was "this close to being gator bait" and how Super Cow saved him. It always struck me odd that Chicken could never figure out that Super Cow was really Cow in a bad costume.

"Well, I'll be going now!" I exclaimed.

"Take care!" said the Mom and Dad.

"Bye-bye!" shouted Cow.

"Yeah, whatever," said Chicken, but he waved at me anyway.

I walked down to the road, and I thought to myself, "What the heck. I'll just keep on walking." I walked along the side of the road until the swamp and the house were far behind me. Having no money, no food, and clue to where I was going I kept walking down the two-lane road.

The only odd thing that happened to me along the way was when this freaky ape-like person in a white shirt ran across the road in front of me with a straw hat in his paw. Before he ran off into the tall grass, I caught a glimpse of his big red butt before he ran out of sight. Moments later, an orange weasel ran across the road. He stopped in the middle of the road and saw me. He was panting heavily as he walked up to me.

"Excuse me, sir," he proclaimed in a deep voice. "Have you seen a rather large baboon run by with my favorite hat?"

"Uh, yeah," I said. "He went that way," and I pointed in the direction where he went.

"Thank you, sir," said Weasel. He then ran into the grass, shouting "I.R.! Give me back my hat!"

I scratched my head, wondering if I was going crazy. Then, thinking nothing more of that odd occurrence, I continued walking down the road.

  
  


(Up next: "Dexter's Dilemma")

  
  



	5. Dexter's Dilemma

"Dexter's Dilemma"

  
  


I walked. And walked. And walked. The landscape wasn't changing at all. It was as flat and grassy as the Great Plains. It reminded me of a road my family traveled on once in New Mexico. Of course, that got me thinking about my family again. The sun was beginning to set, and if time here moved at the same time as back home, it would be well past midnight back at my house. Unless, when I returned, I would be back the moment I had left. Or something like that. I guess I had been watching "Back to the Future" a little too often.

Anyway, I don't know how long I was walking before I gave up and started to hitchhike. It felt weird because it wasn't something I ordinarily did back home. In fact, I had never hitchhiked before! "What could be so hard about it?" I asked myself, as I stuck my thumb out over the road. Since this was a cartoon, I wondered if I should show some leg, but I resolved that it was a bad idea (especially if some fat truck driver pulled up.)

So I stood on the side of the road like an idiot with my thumb sticking out toward some unknown destination. The sun dipped down below the horizon, and the stars came out. I had been standing there for over an hour, and I didn't see even one car go by! For a moment, I thought the road was closed or something. But then, just before I decided to camp out right where I stood, I saw a headlight appear down the road in the direction I had walked. I thought it was a motorcycle, but as it got closer, I saw that the headlight was far too low for it to be a motorcycle. The vehicle was coming at an incredibly fast speed, but it must've seen me because it slammed on the brakes, causing the wheels to squeal horribly. I took a few startled steps backward. The vehicle stopped directly in front of me.

This vehicle was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It looked like an army tank from the future! It had two tank treads on the rear and a single wheel at the front. The streamlined body was constructed from a very shiny metal. Little lights all over the tank were lit, causing the entire area to be illuminated like an outdoor concert. Several jet engines poked out of the back of the tank, which explained why it was going so fast. The tank's cockpit opened up exactly like a fighter jet. I took a peek inside and was surprised by who was inside.

Inside this contraption was a small boy. He was wearing a red jump suit, shades, and a motorcycle helmet. If I hadn't seen his pointy nose and lock of red hair coming out from under the helmet, I might not have recognized him.

"Hey, buddy!" the boy called out. "Do you need a ride?"

The accent clinched it.

"Sure!" I exclaimed excitedly. I couldn't believe it! I was going to take a ride with Dexter in one of his inventions! I felt like I was entering a limo for the first time as I climbed into the single back seat.

"There is an extra helmet back there," said Dexter as the cockpit closed. I put it on as the tank lurched into gear. It began accelerating at a shockingly fast speed. I pushed up against the seat like an astronaut during liftoff. In no time, we entered a neighborhood and began decelerating. Then, the rocket tank entered a small tunnel and began doing down an incline. We stopped shortly after we leveled out. We were in a white, underground room that was like the end of a landing strip. The cockpit opened and Dexter and I stepped out. Actually, I stumbled out. The G forces had made a little slow on my feet, if you know what I mean. Dexter helped me straighten out.

"Are you okay, sir?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. And my name's Jonathan." I figured, what's the harm of using my own name?

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jonathan," said Dexter politely. I shook his hand. "I am Dexter. Boy genius. Now will you help me secure my rocket-powered transporter tank?"

The next five minutes consisted of securing the tank with ropes and support wedges, like they use on the wheels of small aircraft. Along the way, I noticed Dexter had left his sunglasses in the cockpit. I reached out and pocketed them just before the cockpit closed. 

"Now then," said Dexter when we were done. "If you go out that door," and he pointed to a door on the wall. "You will reach a flight of stairs. They will take you back to the surface so you can continue on your merry way, okay?"

"But..."

"It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jonathan!" Dexter yelled as he walked away. Before I could say anything else, he went through another door, leaving me alone in the room with the tank.

I was frustrated. All I wanted to do was give Dexter back his sunglasses. Without thinking, I ran to the door Dexter had gone through and opened it. I beheld a short hallway that led to a spiral staircase. I climbed up the staircase, which led me to another hallway. I walked down to the door at the other end. I opened the door and looked inside.

  
  


Until that moment, the largest room I had ever been in was the Millennium Dome, a huge domed stadium in London. But now, as I stared at the vastness of this room, I realized that it could've swallowed five Millennium Domes with room to spare! It was, of course, Dexter's secret laboratory. And if you think it was big on TV, that's nothing compared to actually being there. There was enough metal in this room to keep Detroit's automobile economy prosperous until the year 3000! Everywhere you looked there was something going on. Giant machines moving pieces of copper down a conveyor belt. Towers with blinking lights all over them. Beakers and siphons and circuitry were sprawled out all over the place! As I walked over the tiled floor, it amazed me to think that a six-year old boy built all this.]

And speaking of Dexter, I caught sight of him working on his latest experiment. He had changed out of his jump suit and was wearing his normal science outfit (white lab coat, purple gloves, etc.) I walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. I must've startled him because he went "Waaugh!!" I was also a little startled, but when Dexter turned to me, I calmly said, "You forgot your glasses." With that, I pulled out the sunglasses and handed them to Dexter.

"A-heh heh. Thank you," he said sheepishly. He put them in his pocket. He was wearing his regular glasses so, he didn't put them on.

"So....this must be some type of secret laboratory, right?" I said. (As if I didn't know.)

"Why, yes!" said Dexter proudly. "This laboratory is one of the finest...."

"That's cool, Dex," I interrupted. "But I need to be going. I was, um, going somewhere I need to, uh, go there now. Yeah."

"Well, um, okay. I guess if you have to go..." said Dexter. He seemed a little disappointed, but I turned around to go. As soon as I realized that I didn't know how to get out of this lab, Dexter said, "Y'know, Jonathan, I was wondering if you could help me for a moment."

I turned around and looked Dexter in the eye. "Help you?" I asked.

"Well, you wanted a ride and I gave you one, so now I want you to do something for me."

"Okay, what?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"Well, I am currently working on my latest and greatest invention, the Electrically Generated Atomic Destablilzer, or E.G.A.D., for short." Dexter pointed to a large machine to his right. "Earlier today, my stupid sister Dee Dee snuck down here and took a very important piece of my invention, the Discharger." Dexter pointed to a nearby blueprint of a square box with a pipe on one end. "What I want you to do is go and retrieve the Discharger that is somewhere in Dee Dee's room. Can you do that for me?"

I looked at Dexter as if he'd just suggested I be co-owner of his lab!

"Now her room is very dangerous," said Dexter in a fearful voice. "Are you affected by cooties?"

"Well, I have a little sister, and I go into her room all the time. I seem pretty normal every time I come out."

"Hmm," said Dexter to himself. "His advanced maturity must've created an immunity to cooties." Then he turned to me. "So all you need to do is get the Discharger in my sister's room without waking up Dee Dee or my parents. Can you do that for me?" 

  
  


Fifteen minutes later, I stood outside Dee Dee's room. I had carefully crept out of Dexter's lab, through Dexter's room, down the hall, and arrived at his sister's door. Dexter stayed behind to wait on me, so I was alone as I slowly pushed in the door. Inside, a myriad of doll and animal eyes were staring at me in a sea of pink. A bed took up most of the room, and on the bed was Dee Dee, who was asleep. I spent ten minutes searching the dim room for the Dexter's Discharger. No luck. As I crept back to the door, I suddenly tripped over a doll and crashed into a pile of stuffed animals! A clamor of squeals and brays and automated sentences shattered the silence. 

"Who-who's there?" said Dee Dee, in a sleepy but frightened voice.

As I lay there, I tried to think of a good backup plan if Dee Dee were to see me. I couldn't think of any good plans, so I went with a bad one. I just hoped Dee Dee was naive enough to fall for it.

I got to my feet just as Dee Dee turned on the lamp beside her bed. Without wasting a second, I spread out my arms and shouted "SURPRISE, Dee Dee!!" I made sure I didn't wake up the whole house by my shouting.

Dee Dee was confused. "Who are you? And how do you know my name?"

"Don't you recognize me?" I asked, with fake surprise. "I'm...Blinky the Clown! And tonight's your lucky night! I've chosen you to be my friend for a night of fun, fun, FUN!" I made my voice sound very goofy and clown-like.

"OOOOooooooooooooooooo!" said Dee Dee, who was now very interested. "Hey, where's your clown outfit?"

"Oh, um, that's what I wear during the day! This is my special 'nighttime friend' outfit."

"Oh," said Dee Dee. "Okay! Let's play ponies!"

For 45 minutes, Dee Dee and I played with stuffed ponies, dolls, board games, and finally had a tea party. I swear, if I didn't have a little sister, I probably would've gone mad from all this cuteness. My sister has a lot of stuffed animals to so I was used to all this. The worst part was by the time the tea party got underway, I was actually beginning to have fun! (Insert scream sound here) If Dexter hadn't barged in at that moment, I probably would've converted to "DeeDeeism" by dawn.

"Jonathan, what's taking so....Hey!"

"Dexter! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Dee Dee.

"I was trying to figure out why Jonathan is taking so long to retrieve my Displacer!"

"He's not your friend. He's Blinky the Clown! MY friend! He said so himself!"

"Did not!" 

"Did too!"

As Dexter and Dee Dee exchanged "Did not"s and "Did too"s, something caught my eye. On a table standing next to Dexter was a metallic box with a pipe on the end of it. The Displacer! I had to get the device out of the room.

Dexter was through arguing with his sister. "Dee Dee, this person has a very important job to do, so..."

"That's right!" I interrupted. "I have many more kids to visit and make their nights a little more enjoyable! So I need to be on my way."

"Awww," said Dee Dee. "Be sure to come back soon!"

"Uh....okay!" I said. As I turned to leave, I suddenly pointed to a corner of the room. "Hey! Is that a Pony Puff Princess doll?"

As Dee Dee turned to see the doll in the corner of the room, I quickly snatched the Displacer off of the table and put it behind my back before I left.

  
  


In the hallway, I gave the Displacer to Dexter. Before he could say anything, a voice from downstairs caused me to dive into Dexter's room.

"Dexter?" said his father, who appeared at the foot of the stairs. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Um, I was just getting a drink of water, Dad," answered Dexter.

"OK," said his Dad as he walked back to the bedroom. "Just keep it down, alright?"

Dexter walked into his room and helped me off the floor. "Thank you," he said. "The E.G.A.D. machine should run properly now that I have the Displacer back."

"Glad I could help," I said.

"Would you like to spend the night here?" inquired Dexter.

"Oh, no. I've got to just keep traveling, y'know?"

"I'll open up the front door for you," offered Dexter.

"Too risky," I said. I opened up the window and grabbed onto the drainpipe. "This way is more familiar," I explained, as I remembered my drainpipe adventure at the Eds' neighborhood.

"Okay. Good bye!" said Dexter.

"Bye now," I answered. With that, I shimmied down the drainpipe. I passed the window where Dexter's parents slept, and my heart almost stopped when Dexter's dad opened the window to get a fresh of breath of fresh air. I knew he would've seen me if I had frozen to the pipe, but I guess some of my "clown-ness" must not have worn off yet. I leaned in and shouted "SURPRISE!!" at the top of my lungs.

And Dexter's dad was surprised. He was so surprised, that he stumbled back into the room and tripped over a chair, which woke up his wife. I quickly slid down the pipe like a firepole, ran over the front yard, and down the sidewalk, as Dexter's dad yelled at me through the open window. I don't think he even saw me.

  
  


Next up: "The Johnny Bravo Picture Show" ("Rocky Horror" it ain't)

  
  
  
  



	6. The Johnny Bravo Picture Show

"The Johnny Bravo Picture Show"  
  


As I was running down the sidewalk, something was going on a few blocks away. One of the houses was the residence of Johnny Bravo. On this night, he had planned to watch a bunch of scary movies that he had rented at the video store earlier that day. However, his Momma was unamused.

"Johnny, those movies will give you nightmares!" cried Johnny's mother, as she watched Johnny pop himself a bag of popcorn.

"Nonsense, Momma," argued Johnny, as he watched the bag of popcorn spin around slowly in the microwave. "Those movies are nothing but a bunch of sap-headed actors in bad costumes and fake blood. They don't scare me. Nothing scares me!"

At that moment, a rogue popcorn kernel knocked against the microwave door, causing it to open. Popcorn kernels started flying out of the microwave and into Johnny's face. 

"AAAAUUUGH!! KILLER POPCORN!!" yelled Johnny and tried desperately to get them out of his greased hair.

Johnny's mother sighed with dismay. "Well, I don't know..."

"Aww, Momma, I've been waiting all week for this. I promise I'll go to bed after the third or fourth one, okay?"

"Well, alright," she said, finally giving in. "But don't leave the light on again, okay?"

"Okay, Momma," said Johnny as he watched her go upstairs. "Momma doesn't think I'm man enough to watch a few scary movies," Johnny pouted to himself. "Well I'll show her." As he said that, one final popcorn kernel flew out of the microwave and landed in Johnny's ear.

"AAUGH!! It's trying to eat my brain!! Get it out!! Get it out!!"  
  


Five minutes later, Johnny popped the first scary movie into the VCR and sat down in front of the TV with his bag of popcorn. The first movie was called "Attack of the Devil-Demons." As Johnny sat watching the screen with wide eyes (behind his sunglasses of course), the first scene was playing. A few people had just gotten lost during a hiking trip, and they were trying to find their way back. Just then, a mysterious smoke started floating through the forest. Then, a red glow illuminated the woods. Finally, the hikers gasped in horror as large demon with big, glowing green eyes appeared with a large, flat knife! He was standing next to a large pit filled with flames! Then, he ran to the terrified hikers, raised the knife, and let it fall, just as the movie's title appeared.

Johnny finally remembered to breathe at this point, and he let in a mighty gasp of air. He was already shaken up by that scene, and he hoped that it was the only scary scene in the film.

It was at around this time that I showed up. I stopped on the sidewalk to catch my breath, and I happened to glance in the window of the house I stood in front of. Silhouetted against a TV screen, I saw the unmistakable outline of Johnny Bravo. I ran towards the window. If he saw me, maybe I could spend the night here! I peered into the window and saw Johnny staring transfixed at the screen. To get his attention, I pounded on the window with my fist.

Johnny leaped into the air, crying out in that high-pitched shriek he does sometimes. His mother came running down the stairs with a robe on and curlers in her hair.

"Johnny," she scolded. "Didn't I tell you those movies would scare you?"

"N-No, Momma," said Johnny shakily. "There was someone outside the window. Looking in at me!"

By now, I had found the doorbell and rung it.

"Oh, Johnny, it's just someone at the door." She walked to the door and opened it. There I stood, a lonely teen looking as pathetic as a lost teen could look.

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked.

"Um, excuse me, ma'am, but I seem to be a little lost, could I stay here for a few hours to catch my breath? I've been walking all day." Part of this was true, at least.

"Oh, you poor dear! Come right on in!" said Johnny's mother, sympathetically. 

"Who was at the door, Momma? Was it a devil-demon?" asked Johnny behind a pillow.

"No, Johnny. Just a kind stranger who'd like to rest a bit. Um, what did you say your name was?"

"Jonathan," I said.

"What! You mean some Nobody is responsible for scaring me half to death?!" exclaimed Johnny.

"Johnny! Where are your manners?" demanded his mother.

"Sorry, Momma," reiterated Johnny. "Make yourself at home, Jonathan."

"Thank you," I said. I turned to Johnny's mother. "I'm actually a little hungry. Could you order me some food?"

"Yeah, we're all out of popcorn," said Johnny, who showed his mother the empty popcorn bag.

"Certainly, boys," she said. "And I know just the person to call." She ran into the kitchen and dialed a phone number.  
  


As I went to the bathroom, Johnny was about to unpause the film, when another film caught his eye. "The Stranger," said Johnny as he read the title. Johnny began reading the back of the box. "Friendly stranger.....invited into home....turns out to be.....a bloodthirsty killer who butchers the ones who live in the home??!! (Gasp) OH-NO!!! Momma and I are in danger! We've got to get out of here before..."

"Hi, Johnny," I said as I returned from the bathroom.

"AAUGH!!! Get back! I have...uh..." Johnny quickly looked around for a weapon and grabbed a pillow. "I have a pillow!"

"Johnny!" shouted his mother, who was returning from the kitchen. "What's wrong now?"

"Get out, Momma! Save yourself! This man is going to kill us all!"

"What??!!" exclaimed Johnny's mother.

"No I'm not," I explained. "I'm just...." Just then, my eyes fell on the TV. "Hey! Are you watching horror flicks? I love these films!"

"Really?" said Johnny. He quickly unpaused the film. "In that case, you're gonna love this next scene!"

Johnny Bravo's mother breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't forget boys! The food will be here in a short while!"

"Sure, Momma!" cried out Johnny, his eyes glued to the TV. His momma walked upstairs.

Johnny turned to me. "Hey, uh, sorry I thought you were a bloodthirsty killer," said Johnny. 

"No problem," I said. "I get that all the time."  
  


We watched the movie for a while. Then, I heard something outside.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Johnny.

"Hear what?" 

"It came from outside!" I pointed towards the front door.

"Aw, cut it out, Jonathan," said Johnny.

Suddenly, a few knocks on the door made Johnny Bravo and me jump. Johnny started freaking out, but I said, "It's probably the pizza that your Momma ordered for us."

"Pizza! Oh boy!" said Johnny. He quickly got to feet, ran to the door, and flung it wide open.

Johnny's jaw unhinged itself as he screamed, "Not you! AAUGH!!!"

"Who?!! Who is it?!!" I cried out.

"The scariest person imaginable!" yelled Johnny as he stepped back to reveal......

Carl.

"Hey, Johnny," Carl said in an annoyingly nasal voice.

"Carl!" said Johnny in an angry voice. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"Don't you remember? You told me you were having a scary movie festival at your house tonight, so here I am!"

"Carl, even if I did invite you, I must've been mistaken. I alone am watching these movies!" declared Johnny.

"Oh yeah? Then who's that?" Carl pointed at me.

"Oh, that's Jonathan. He's some wandering weirdo that stopped by to watch movies with me."

"Well, if he can watch movies, then I can too!" Before Johnny could stop him, Carl entered the house and introduced himself to me. A moment later, the three of us were watching the devil-demon movie. Johnny agreed to let Carl stay "as long as he kept quiet."  
  


An hour later, the movie ended. It was a terrible movie, in my opinion, but Carl and Johnny seemed to be pretty spooked by it.

"Did you see the way those demons exploded at the end?" asked Carl in a shaky voice.

"Yeah. Still it's only a m-movie," answered Johnny.

"Hey!" I said. "Carl didn't see the first scene!" So we rewound the tape and played the first scene for Carl again....the one with the hikers. Then we stopped.

"Guys?" asked Carl. He seemed really terrified for some reason. "Do you think something like that could happen in real life?"

"No," I sighed. "Why?"

"Cause you might want to look out the window!"

I looked and my eyes widened with amazement. "Wow! How did it get so foggy?"

Outside, a wispy mist was flowing by the windows. As I walked toward the window, Carl said, "That's not fog."

That's when I smelled it. It smelled like something was on fire. I realized that the misty cloud outside wasn't fog.

It was smoke.

"Just like in the first scene of the movie," said Johnny with fear in his voice. "The hikers encountered a thick blanket of smoke in the forest!"

"C'mon, guys," I argued. "It's probably just some neighbor's chimney, or a car exhaust. That's all."

As soon as I finished saying that, a red-orange glow leaked through the window. I had made the mistake of turning off the TV, the only light in the room, so this strange reddish light illuminated the living room like a jack-o-lantern.

"Oh no!" shouted Carl.

"The demonic red glow! Just like in the..."

"Will you guys cut it out??!!" I bellowed. "This movie is going to your heads! This light is probably from a car out on the street. Look, I'll prove it to you." With that, I got to my feet and began to open the front door.

"NO!! Don't open it!!!" yelled Carl and Johnny, but they were too late. All three of us gasped as we saw what lay before us.

In the front yard was a large black device that looked like an incinerator pit or something. Fiery flames were shooting out of the top! But standing next to it was a horrible, fat demon with glowing green eyes!!! He had a long machete in his hand and he was laughing demonically. 

Carl, Johnny, and I were screaming demonically, grabbing onto each other like it was the end of the world. We probably would've screamed all night if Momma Bravo didn't come down to the front door at that moment.

"Is the food here, boys?" she asked. At the same time, she turned on the porch light.

We stopped screaming. The porch light had shed a little light on our "demon."

"Pops!" cried Johnny.

It was Pops, the proprietor of Pop's Diner. He was standing next to a giant catering grill. That was where the fire and smoke was coming from. Hamburger patties were being cooked over a mass of flames. The "machete" was actually a spatula. Pops was also wearing strange glowing goggles for some reason.

Carl seemed pleased upon seeing us. "Hello, Johnny! Carl! Some other guy!" (Me, of course.)

"Pops!" shouted Johnny. We quickly let go of each other. "What is all this?"

"Ahh, Johnny, this is my new catering service! Appeal to the masses, I always say. Johnny's mother called me and said you guys needed food, so here I am. I've been secretly catering to the good people of this city for a week now, and I'm now making my public debut!"

"Wiggy!" said Johnny.

"But why are you wearing those funny glasses?" asked Carl.

"Oh! You mean my night-vision goggles?" Pops took them off his head. "It's so I can see what I'm cooking in the dark."

Since the flames provided some light, I felt that the idea was pointless. But I didn't bring that up.

"Hey, everybody!" said a small girl with her mouth full. It was Susie, the annoying red-headed girl who lived next door. "This catering service will put Pop's Diner on the map, right Pops?"

"You said it, little lady. Anybody want a burger?"

So Johnny, Momma, and Carl each got a hamburger.

"You want one, buddy?" Pops asked me.

"No thanks," I said. "I've had enough excitement for one night. In fact, I'm thinking about heading out of here right about now."

"Are you sure you can't spend the night here?" asked Johnny's mother.

"Sorry, ma'am, but I'm on a mission to get back home. A wanderer like me can't depend on the kind hospitality of others. A true wanderer must sleep under the stars, y'know? Live life on my own, like a loner. A renegade. A rebel."

Everyone just stared at me.

"Well, at least have a burger before you go," said Pops, who quickly offered me a hamburger.

"No thanks. The food I eat must....um.....you have some condiments I could put on it?"  
  


So I left Johnny Bravo's house chewing on a hamburger with everything on it. I scarfed down the whole thing in no time. I knew Johnny was a bit of a doofus, being so scared over something like what had just happened, but that's what made him funny. In fact, Carl and I were scared as well. I thought to myself, "Y'know? I'm a funny guy! I could get used to being a cartoon character!"

But then I remembered that I had no family here. I had to go on until I found someone who could take me back to my own world.

The burger was beginning to make me incredibly sleepy. Without knowing what I was doing, I walked onto someone's lawn, lay down under an enormous tree, and fell right to sleep.  
  


(Why was that tree so huge? Find out in the next thrilling chapter, "Mission Objective: S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R. Featuring the Kids Next Door.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Mission Objective: STRANGER

(Now loading....Kids Next Door Mission)

  
  


S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R. (Surreal Teenager Runs Across Newts Getting Extremely Radioactive)

  
  


I slept a long time. Eventually, the night began to wind down, and dawn had quickly passed. It was about nine in the morning when I finally awoke. 

I sat up and yawned. I was a wreck. Sleeping on the ground under a tree is not as comfortable as you might think. In the cartoon world, it's easier, I'll admit. There aren't any tree roots coming up out of the ground or leaves to fall on you. However, there were still bugs. My arms and legs had bug bites in several places.

I slowly got to my feet. I resolved that this was the last time I would sleep outdoors in this place.

Then I gasped. It was morning now. Did that mean it was morning in my world? If so, my family was probably worried sick about where I was. I started pacing under the tree. My family usually slept late on Saturdays. Hopefully, they wouldn't know I was gone until later. Of course, there was always the thought that when I would return to my world, I would do so at the exact moment I left, like a time machine or something. I decided to keep that thought in my mind so that I wouldn't have to worry about my family.

So.....now I needed to figure out where I was.

The shade from the tree wasn't letting me see my surroundings very well, so I decided to get a better view. I walked across the street and was surprised to discover that I was still in the tree's shadow! I was about to turn around when a little boy walked out of the house in front of me. I didn't recognize him as any familiar character. Probably an extra or something. I decided to ask him where I was.

"Excuse me, kid," I said. "Can you tell me where I am?"

"Yeah!" he said. "Your right in front of the Kids Next Door Headquarters."

I looked in front of me. All I could see was the little boy's house. I looked to the left and right. I didn't see any KND Headquarters anywhere.

"Where?" I asked the boy.

"Right behind you," he said. Following his advice, I turned around and nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw what was standing in front of me.

  
  


Now I saw why I was still in the tree's shade. It was HUGE! It was as tall as the space shuttle, at least! The leaves of the tree covered the trunk and branches except at the very bottom. It was the biggest tree I had ever seen. But what made it even more amazing was that it held, in its branches, a tree house that would've made the Swiss Family Robinson tree house look like a dollhouse. It had turrets and balconies and windows all over the place. In short, I was more than a little amazed upon discovering that I had been sleeping under the Kids Next Door tree house! 

It took me a moment to realize that the little boy was still standing next to me. I turned to him.

"The Kids Next Door live there, right?"

"Sure!" he said. "See? There goes one now!"

I looked just in time to see a small girl skipping towards the tree. She had long black hair, shorts, and a green sweater that was a couple sizes too big. In her hands was a jar with something in it.

What she did next took me totally by surprise. She ran up to the tree's trunk and put the jar on the ground. Then, she flipped up a small part of the trunk to reveal something that resembled telephone buttons. She typed in a four-digit code and, amazingly, an entire section of the tree trunk lifted up to reveal a small elevator! The girl grabbed her jar, entered the elevator, and pushed a button inside it. The section of the tree came back down.

"Whoa," I said. I looked at the boy next to me again. "How do I get in there?"

The little boy busted out laughing. "Silly. You need to be a kid to go in there. And you're not a kid." With that, he turned around and skipped back to his house.

Hmmm. Wasn't a kid, huh? I'd have told him that I was a true, 17-year-old kid if I had the chance. (There seem to be a lot of those kinds of kids nowadays.) But he had a point. There were probably alarms and security cameras that alerted the Kids about intruders. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to explore uncharted waters. Go where no grown-up has gone before. I knew that I had to find a way into the Kids Next Door tree house!

As I ran towards the house, I recalled that evil grown-ups sometimes got into the tree house to battle with the kids from time to time. But that bit of information wasn't going to help me get into the tree house, which I now stood under. I examined the trunk and discovered that on the opposite side of the tree from where the elevator was were boards which were nailed into the tree's trunk. They led up to a trap door underneath the first floor.

"I guess they found a more efficient way to get up," I said to myself. 

I began climbing up the tree in the conventional manner. It reminded me of when I used to climb up my best friend's tree house back home. Unlike my friend's tree house, however, these steps led me up into a wooden hallway instead of a single-room tree house with no furniture. I closed the trap door and began to sneak my way down the dimly lit hallway.

  
  


Meanwhile, in another part of the tree house, the Kids Next Door had just finished breakfast. Number 5 was cleaning up the table, Number 4 was watching TV, and Number 1 was looking at his wristwatch. In the far corner of the room, Number 2 was building an oddly-shaped vehicle that he had been working on for several days.

Number 1 was losing patience. "Where in the world is Number 3? It doesn't take her this long to buy some food for lunch!" 

"She probably got side-tracked again," said Number 5, who was washing dishes in the sink. "Remember last time, when she was supposed to get us those little donut holes?"

"Yeah," said Number 4. He was lounging on the couch and flipping through channels. "I still can't get over the evil soup spoon incident that happened as a result." (FYI, that wasn't a real episode....but it could be.)

Number 1 shuddered. Then he walked over to Number 2, who was working under the vehicle.

"So, Number 2. Is it ready, yet?"

Number 2 clumsily crawled out from under the vehicle. He was wearing an orange radiation suit with a speaker so he could talk. "Well, just about. I just need to make a few alterations and then this VULTURE will fly."

Number 1 grimaced. Normally he approved Number 2's creations, but this didn't look like it could fly if it wanted to. It looked more like an alien tank than anything else. Plus, the nose of the tank stuck way out like a beak. That was probably why it was called the VULTURE, apart from it being an acronym. However, Number 1 didn't feel like arguing about that.

"Number 2, are you sure you need to wear that ridiculous suit?"

Number 2 took off the rubber helmet. His hair was all ruffled. "When you're dealing with radioactive material, you can never be too careful."

It should be mentioned that the VULTURE is nuclear powered, but only an incredibly small amount of material is used to run it. Number 2 had acquired the radioactive material from another operative via the internet, and had installed it yesterday. The Kids Next Door were aware of the risks involved, but they knew that as long as it was contained, there was no danger. 

Number 1 looked at his watch again. "Where IS Number 3?" He went over and joined the other kids on the couch.

"Got me," said Number 4, who finally found a cartoon to watch.

Number 5 sighed. "Man! We haven't had any action around here for days!" (Ironically, I'm still sneaking around downstairs. Bwa ha ha.)

"Tell me about it," groaned Number 4. "I'm just itch'n for some action!"

Number 1 was just about to agree when a door opened and Number 3 came into the room. "Look what I got!" said the hyperactive, little girl. "Look what I got!"

"OK, Number 3," said Number 1. "What do you got?" 

"Is it food?" asked Number 2, who by now had changed out of his radioactive suit.

Number 3 held up the jar in front of Number 1's face. The leader's eyes grew wide behind his glasses for a moment. Then he let out a short scream of fright and fell over backwards.

The other kids rushed over to the jar that Number 3 was still holding. Nervously, they looked inside. There was some dirty water in the jar, and swimming around in the water were some amphibians.

"What the...?" gasped Number 2.

"What are they?" asked Number 5. 

"Aw, they're just some cruddy lizards," pouted Number 4, who was expecting something a bit more scary.

Number 1 had regained his composure and examined the inhabitants of the jar more carefully. "They're newts, to be precise." The three newts were swimming around madly in the water.

"I don't care what they are!" exclaimed Number 4, who was getting more angry by the second. "I don't want some...newts running around here! Where did you get them, anyway?"

"From the lake down the road!" said Number 3, proudly.

"Number 4 has a point," said Number 1. "We can't have newts running around here. You're gonna have to put them back into the lake."

Number 3 quickly swung the jar out of her friends' reach. "No! That's not fair! You haven't seen how friendly they are!" Number 3 quickly unscrewed the lid. "Here, wanna hold them?"

The other kids were about to protest, when suddenly an alarm went off! Sirens and lights were blaring all over the place!

"An intruder!" declared Number 1.

"Finally! A little action!" said Number 4.

The kids ran to a big screen on the wall. It was an electronic map of the tree house. A little dot was shining in the downstairs area of the tree house.

"There!" shouted Number 1. "Level 2, Section 4! Let's go!" 

With that, the Kids Next Door ran out of the room. Before that, Number 3 decided to leave her newts in the room. She placed the open jar onto a shelf next to the VULTURE.

"Hurry up, Number 3!" shouted Number 5. Number 3 quickly exited the room.

While they were gone and the alarms were deactivated, the three newts got on each other's shoulders and tipped the jar over. Water spilled onto the floor. Not knowing where they were going, the newts decided to go over to a glowing light in the corner of the room. The glow was actually coming from the VULTURE's nuclear fuel tank....which had been left open. (Not a good thing, by the way.)

  
  


"Stupid, stupid, STUPID!" I yelled at myself. How could I not have seen that trip-wire on the floor? I quickly got back on my feet and started running. I ran down several wooden hallways before I stopped. What if I ran into the Kids Next Door? I had to hide somewhere.

Suddenly, the alarms were turned off. At the same time, I heard voices from down the hall.

"This way!" said a small voice. "The intruder is over here!"

I looked all around. The only place I could see were two small alcoves where the walls met the ceiling. But they were too small to hide on. Then, I had an idea. I could support myself between the two alcoves like in some action movies I'd seen. I had to use all my strength in order to do so. And not a minute too soon! The five Kids Next Door, ran down the hall underneath me. Thank goodness I was in the shadows above them, or they would've seen me. Number 4 was last. I heard him say, "If it's those Delightful Children again, I'm gonna..." He disappeared around the corner.

When they were gone, I got down and went back the way I had come. I didn't go far when I saw an elevator. I decided to go to another floor, so I went in the elevator (which was a tight squeeze, since it was designed for kids) and chose a random number.

Half a minute later, I found myself in the room where the kids were in previously. I looked around. There were windows, a rug, a couch, a TV, a tank,....

I took another look at the tank or whatever it was. Next to it, I discovered a tipped-over jar lying in a puddle of water. Little watery footprints of something led me from the jar to the tank. On the tank, I saw a symbol that indicated that radioactive material was inside it somewhere. Another trail of footprints led away from the tank. As I followed these footprints, I began to get goosebumps. The footprints were beginning to increase in size! They started out as small as a lizard, but then they slowly grew to the size of a bear! The footprints led me to a hallway that was too dark to see inside. I thought about looking for a light switch, when all of a sudden a voice from behind yelled out "FREEZE, BIG FELLAH!"

I whirled around. Great. More kids with water guns, just like the Eds. Unfortunately, these water guns looked a lot more advanced than the ones at the Eds' place. Also, it looked as though several types of sauces were being used instead of water. Probably hot sauce or something. 

There was no doubt that these kids were the Kids Next Door. I quickly gave each one a look-over. Number 5 was the little African-American girl with a ponytail and a big baseball hat. She was holding a pair of ketchup-filled water pistols in each hand. Number 4 was the blond-haired boy with bangs and an orange windbreaker. He had an enormous gun attached to a mustard-filled backpack. Number 3 was the girl I had seen go into the tree house. She had a water gun with relish in it. Number 2 was a plump boy with an old aviator helmet on his head. He was struggling to support a horseradish-filled bazooka on his shoulder. Number 1, the leader, was the dark-skinned boy with no hair and sunglasses. He held in his hands a water gun that was full of jalapeño-pepper hot sauce. All five guns were pointed directly at me.

"Don't shoot!" I shouted. Unlike the Eds, I didn't exactly know how these kids thought. Their show was too new.

"Why shouldn't we?" asked Number 4 in an Australian accent.

Maybe the fact that I was about to become the world's first human chili dog, since these kids had the condiments to do so. I wanted to say that, but I didn't.

"Who are you?" asked Number 1 with a slight accent.

"I'm...uhh..." I couldn't believe it. For once, my mind had gone blank!

"Maybe he's a spy sent in by the Delightful Children," said Number 5. The other kids seemed to agree.

"No! No, I'm not," I said in defense.

"Y'think he's telling truth?" asked Number 2.

"Truth or no truth, he's not even allowed to be in here," said Number 1, who began walking towards me with his gun aimed right at my face. "This is the Kids Next Door Headquarters, which means that it's for kids only. And you're not..."

"Aiiieee!!" shrieked Number 3. We all looked at her with surprise. "My sally-manders!"

I saw that Number 3 was looking at the tipped-over jar. It took me a moment to realize that there must have been some salamanders in there before.

"Newts," corrected Number 1. "And never mind about them, Number 3. We might have to interrogate this intruder."

"Cool! I get to be the bad cop!" said Number 5.

"Hey, that's not fair! I'm always the bad cop!" argued Number 4.

While the kids argued, I suddenly began getting a chill in my spine. "Hold up!" I said. The guns were directed on me again. "The newts got out of the jar, right?"

"Right!" said Number 3. She was glad that someone else was concerned about the newts besides her.

"According to the footprints, the newts walked over to that thing," I continued, as I pointed to the nuclear vehicle.

"It's a tank," said Number 2. He took out a remote control from his pocket and pushed a button. A viewscreen popped up from the nose of the tank and displayed the tank's schematics. A female robot voice said, "V.U.L.T.U.R.E. Very Unusual Land Tank Uses Radioactive Energy."

"What exactly are you saying, sir?" asked Number 1 to me.

"I think we need to get out of here," I said shakily. "It's not safe."

The other kids looked at me like I was nuts. Number 4 actually put down his gun and jumped up in front of me. He grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me down to his level.

"Look, whoever you are. If it's anybody's safety you need to be concerned about, it's your own!"

  
  


We were interrupted at that moment by a loud CRASH! The near wall gave way, and, just like that, three giant newts had crashed through the wall and were staring down at us!!! They were on their hind legs which made them about thirty feet tall! And they were glowing faintly....the same glow that came from the nuclear fuel tank. They looked at us with very hungry eyes. I could hear them growling too. Whether it was their throats or stomachs or stomachs growling, I couldn't tell.

I leaned down to Number 4 who, like the other kids, was frozen with shock. "I think I'm more concerned with EVERYBODY's safety right now."

The three newts roared in unison. Of course, that caused all of us to start running around the room like our heads were on fire. 

One of the newts grabbed Number 3, who started screaming, "Help!" over and over.

Number 4 got his gun back and aimed it at the newt holding Number 3. "Let her go!" he shouted. A spray of mustard hit the newt in the eyes. The newt screamed in pain and let go of Number 3, who landed on the couch.

Off to the side, Number 5 was trying to get at her gun, but a newt was blocking it. She acrobatically jumped on a wall, flew over the newt and grabbed her gun. She started shooting ketchup at the other two newts.

In the meantime, Numbers 1 and 2 were having a meaningful discussion as they battled the newts.

"How did they get so big?!" shouted Number 1.

Number 2 groaned as he caught sight of his VULTURE. "They must've eaten some of the nuclear fuel!"

"You were supposed to keep it contained!"

"I'm sorry already! Look, I'll use the tank to stop them! How 'bout that?!"

"Fine! Anything! Just hurry!"

Number 2 tossed his gun to Number 1 and ran to the tank. He got in the driver's seat and noticed that the fuel tank was full!

"Hmmm. The newts must've absorbed it through their skin."

"NUMBER 2!!!" screamed Number 1. The newts were almost on him, and the sauces didn't seem to be working.

"I hope this works," mumbled Number 2 as he turned the tank on. He aimed the tank to the newts, who were conveniently one behind the other.

"Hey, lizardheads!" shouted Number 2. The newts looked in his direction. "Here's your salt!"

"Um, doesn't salt just hurt snails?" Number 4 asked Number 5.

"I know. Number 2 has GOT to come up with some better lines."

ZAP! KA-SPLUSH!

A nuclear powered laser had popped up from the tank and fired at the newts. All three of them exploded, covering everything in a spray of slime.

  
  


"Is everyone alright?" asked Number 2, who was still sitting at the tank.

"Yeah, if you call being covered in newt slime 'alright'," said Number 5.

"Number 3," said Number 1. "Let this be a lesson to you. Never bring anything from the lake over to our tree house again, OK?"

Number 3 sighed. "OK." She knew that now was probably not the best time to tell them about the baby alligators she brought back from the lake yesterday.

"Well, I think we'd better get back to our intruder," said Number 4. "He's....hey! Where is he?"

The kids looked around. I was nowhere in sight.

"Computer!" shouted Number 1. "Locate intruder!"

The computer's voice spoke up. "Intruder is no longer on the premises."

"Well, that takes care of that," said Number 1. "Now, who's going to clean up this slimy mess?"

All eyes were on Number 3.

"Ummmm.....gotta go," she said quickly and dashed down the hall down the hall towards her room. The other kids ran after her yelling, "Hey! Get back here!"

  
  


A quarter mile away from the tree house, I stopped to catch my breath. As soon as I saw the giant newts, I had ran out of the room and into the elevator, traveled down to ground level, and kept on running. I briefly considered going back to help them, but I assumed that with that big tank that they had, they would have the situation under control.

It was a shame that those kids had to be so authoritive and aggressive. Then again, maybe they just acted that way in front of all grown ups. I was sort of on the borderline between adolescence and adulthood. They sort of viewed teenagers as just being plain......I dunno, gross.

They were kids after all. I had acted that way once. 

So I walked down the road, not looking back at that wonderful tree house. I just kept looking ahead, wondering where the road would take me. No doubt to another cartoon, I had figured it out by now. I skipped a little bit down the sidewalk (a little bit of my childhood was showing) as I wondered why they stopped making Sheep in the Big City cartoons.

  
  


(I mention Sheep in the Big City because it was made by the same company [Curious Pictures] that created The Kids Next Door. So to answer my question, they stopped that show to make the Kids Next Door. Duh.)

  
  


(Whew. That was a long one. Glad you made it this far. I had originally wanted to publish this chapter as an actual story, but I decided to use it in this one.)

(Next Chapter: "Don't Kiss the Cook".......the "Time Squad" chapter.) 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Don't Kiss the Cook

"Don't Kiss the Cook" (The Time Squad Chapter)  
  
(I was going to make this chapter a separate story, but then I thought, why not include it in this one?)

Onward I walked. To tell you the truth, I was getting a little tired of all this walking. But I couldn't see any other form of transportation available. I noticed that I was leaving the neighborhood now and entering two fields, one on either side of the road. I saw a scarecrow standing in the middle of the field on the right. I was bored beyond belief at this moment, and I had to talk to someone about my adventures. So I entered the field and walked up to the scarecrow. I told the scarecrow all about my adventures with the cartoons I had seen. The Powerpuff Girls; Ed, Edd, and Eddy; Cow and Chicken; Dexter; Johnny Bravo; and the Kids Next Door. I must've spent over an hour talking to that scarecrow.

I was just about to explain to him that I didn't know how I was going to get home, when suddenly, an explosion occurred twenty feet in front of me! I had to shield my eyes from the explosion's bright light. When I opened my eyes, I saw that the explosion was gone! In its place stood three figures with their backs to me.

Even from behind, I recognized them immediately. One of them was a muscled man in a black and white uniform and boots. With him was a metal robot and a small boy. I knew that it had to be Time Squad!

An idea formed in my head. Maybe their time-traveling technology could teleport me back to my home! With that in mind, I got to my feet and walked over to the Time Squad. As I got closer to them, I could hear their conversation.

"Hey! This isn't the satellite!" Buck Tuddrussel said. 

"Oopsie," said Larry 3000. "I must've pushed a wrong button or something."

"That's been happening a lot lately, hasn't it?" asked the kid named Otto.

"Yes," agreed Larry. "Well, this new keyboard is obviously too small for my fingers."

Buck sighed. "Here. Let me see that."

I could hear Buck push some buttons on the keyboard as I approached. "There we go," he said.

"Excuse m-..." I began.  
  


I was suddenly hit with a bright light and a loud ZAP!!! Next thing I knew, I had lost my balance, tripped over Otto, and landed hard on the floor.

"Oh my!" said Larry. "It seems we've picked up a visitor."

Buck quickly pulled out a ray gun and shouted, "Don't worry, guys! I got it covered."

"Wait!" shouted Otto, in my defense. "Let's figure out who he is first." He helped me get to my feet. "What's your name?"

"Jonathan," I said. I looked around. "Wow! Is this your satellite?"

"Oh, absolutely," said Larry, as Buck put away his gun. "Do you like it?"

I'll say I did. There was a huge window on one wall that displayed the Earth floating in the vastness of space. It was breathtaking. "This is really....amazing," I said, trying not to cry. "But..." I cleared my throat and assumed a more serious tone. "I need to get back home. Do you think you could transport me home real quick?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Otto. "We'd be happy to. Right guys?"

"Sure," said Buck. "As long as Butterfingers here doesn't mess up again."

"I already told you," argued Larry. "The buttons are too small!"

"Well, I'M not the one who installed the keyboard."

"You leave Otto out of this!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah??!!"

"Yeah!!!!"

Otto and I were just about to break them up, but an alarm beat us to it. Red and blue police lights whirled all around us, and a police siren screamed all over the satellite.

"We'll discuss this later," said Larry, as he ran to the monitor room.

"Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh," mimicked Buck, who ran after Larry.

"But what about me!" I cried out.

"Sorry, Jonathan. We have to take care of this first," said Otto, as the four of us ran down the hall.  
  


Larry was seated in front of over twenty viewscreens. Buck, Otto, and I stood behind him. The main screen quickly displayed the portrait of a uniformed navigator named James Cook and the year 1778.

"Wow! James Cook!" said Otto eagerly. "He was an 18th century British explorer who was known for his voyages to the Pacific Ocean and his application of scientific methods to exploration and cartography!"

"Yeah!" I blurted out. "He explored the coasts of New Zealand and eastern Australia and discovered the Hawaiian Islands!"

The three of them seemed very impressed that I knew those facts. Actually, I had to do a report on James Cook not too long ago.

Upon mentioning Hawaii, Buck Tuddrussel quickly dashed off into a hall and came back with a surfboard and sunglasses. "Hawaii, huh? Alright! Time for some fun in the sun!"

The three Time Squad members headed to the transporter platform. "Now Tuddrussel, keep in mind that were on a mission here and..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get to it," said Buck, half paying attention.

"Hey!" I shouted. "What about me?"

"Hmmm," said Larry. "I'm afraid you'll have to come with us."

Was this for real? Was I actually going to go on a Time Squad mission? For a moment, I just stood there, taking it all in. Then I walked up onto the platform behind Otto and watched Larry punch in the coordinates.   
  


A bright flash and a loud ZAP later, we were in Hawaii. My view of the Earth outside the window had instantly changed to a white sandy beach, with palm trees swaying in the breeze and waves crashing onto the shore. Hawaii looked a little different for some reason. Then I remembered that this was 18th century Hawaii. No condos or hotels or tourists clogging the beaches! A paradise, to say the least.

"Woo-hoo! Surf's up!" yelled Buck. He began to run to the ocean, but Larry stopped him.

"Not so fast. First we need to find this Cook fellow and complete our mission."

"Awww," groaned Buck.

"Where do you suppose Cook is?" I asked.

"I have a hunch he might be over there," said Otto, who pointed to something behind me.

I turned around and saw a tall building sticking up out of the palm trees below it. It was made entirely out of palm tree trunks, and it had balconies and windows on the side facing the ocean. It was a hotel! On top of the building, stood a big sign that read "Cook's Condos". On the beach in front of the condos was a group of islanders lounging on towels and deck chairs and acting like tourists. There were also people swimming in the water. In deeper water floated a large wooden ship.

One islander ran up to us. "Hey, dudes!" he shouted.

"Dudes?" asked a bewildered Larry.

"Yeah, isn't this place great?"

"I'll say!" said Buck.

"We need to talk to Mr. Cook!" declared Otto.

"No sweat, little guy. He's working the front desk inside his hotel. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta get my board! Killer wave approaching, dude!" He ran off.

"C'mon!" said Otto. Let's go to that hotel!"

Once we arrived in the hotel's lobby, Buck walked over to the front desk and rang the service bell. As soon as the "ding, ding, dings" died out, a man wearing a white wig came out and stood behind the desk. If it weren't for the wig, we wouldn't have known he was a British explorer. The rest of his outfit included a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals, and sunglasses.

"Welcome to Cook's Condos! Would you care to sign in?" Cook held out the sign-in book.

Buck flashed his badge to Cook. "Deputy Officer Buck Tuddrussel. Time Squad. You're in violation of..."

"Hey! Almost forgot!" interrupted Cook. "We also have discounts over by the other desk."

"Really?" asked Buck.

"Actually, sir," said Larry. "You should be continuing your voyages of the Pacific Ocean."

"That's right," added Otto. "There are still plenty of places you need to explore."

It was my turn to speak up. "So why don't you jump back in that ship of yours and head on out of here?"

"Are you kidding?" exclaimed Cook. "Look at this place! I single-handedly created a tourism industry on this island! And my travels have proved that there isn't another group of islands within miles of this place! Good-bye competition!"

"But what about your explorations?" asked Otto.

"Oh, I think I've explored enough already. Besides, I'm thinking of staying here and expanding my chain of condos to the other islands. Think of the profits! People all over Britain will love it here!"

"Really," said Larry. "And how do you plan to do that if you're stuck here?"

Without a word, Cook clapped his hands. Moments later, ten crewmen entered the lobby. "My men would be more than happy to carry out the job. I just need to make the proper arrangements first."

"This is terrible," I whispered to Otto and Larry.

"I'll say," agreed Larry. "We need some way to get Cook back onto his journey."

"Right," said Otto. "Hey, where's Tuddrussel?"

It didn't take long to find him. He was looking at some brochures near the front door. "Whoa! There's gonna be a luau up at the penthouse tonight!"

"Tuddrussel!" scolded Larry. "Are you going to help us on this mission, or not?"

Buck was about to answer, when all of a sudden, an islander entered the lobby from outside. "Hey, everybody! They're holding free surfing lessons now! C'mon!"

"Free surfing lessons?" repeated Buck. "Awright! I'm there!" He dashed out the door. Larry, Otto, and I sighed in unison.  
  


Buck spent most of the day practicing how to surf alongside Cook. Eventually, Buck learned how to hang ten. The rest of us tried to come up with an idea on how to get Cook back on his travels, but the warm sun and crashing of the waves were irresistible. Finally, with Larry's permission, Otto and I took a break and swum out into the surf. Larry hung out with the locals, who were turned off by his tales of molecular transfusion and stuff.

The luau took place that night on the roof of the condo. Everyone on the island came out. I was afraid the building would collapse from the weight, but the tree trunks were surprisingly strong. A long table was on one end, with Hawaiian food all over it, including a entire roasted boar! There was singing and dancing between islanders and British men and everyone was having a swell time. Behind the table, overlooking the luau were two large chairs with fire lanterns on each side. In one chair sat Cook. The Hawaiian Emperor sat in the other.

"Who's that?" asked Buck pointing to the emperor.

Otto thought for a moment. "He's the current ruler of the Hawaiian Islands. He has a long name. What was it again?"

I tried to remember the name from my Cook report. "I believe his name was Kamehamea."

Kamehamea and Cook got up from their chairs and gathered everybody's attention. "My people!" declared Kamehamea. "We are honored to have this man bring us an industry that will make our tiny islands prosper!" Much applause followed.

Cook spoke up. "Now, the hula girls will be here shortly..." Many people cheered, especially Buck. "...but first, let me stress to you all the fact that I hope this tourism industry will bring wealth and good fortune to this wonderful place!" Everyone cheered. "Now, let the luau continue!" 

Cook spread out his arms with enthusiasm when he said the final sentence. But when he did, one of his arms knocked over a lantern. The lantern landed near a small stick which was soon engulfed in flames. The stick was holding up a large stone statue. The stick quickly broke apart, which caused the statue to fall off the roof of the hotel! Everyone gasped when they heard a sickening crash from below. The statue had been reduced to pebbles upon hitting the ground.

"You fool!" declared Kamehamea to Cook. "You've destroyed our sacred statue of Pele, our goddess of fire! She will be most angered by what you have done!"

"Now hold on, Kamehaha," said Buck, who mispronounced the emperor's name. "No need to overreact. I mean, what's the worst this goddess could do anyhow?" 

My stomach involuntarily sank after hearing that question, and with good reason. The building began to shake and quiver. 

"Look!" shouted Larry with fear.

We all turned and gasped. A volcano was erupting! Molten lava was spewing out of the top, and a river of lava was heading straight towards the building!

Everyone began running for the exits. Some islanders actually leaped off the building into the trees (they all survived). The rest of us ran down flights and flights of stairs to the lobby. We ran out the front door and along the beach. 

A half mile later, we all stopped and heard a loud crash behind us. We turned and saw the hotel collapsing. Fire had already destroyed the lower floors and now the building was slowly falling towards the Earth. It disappeared in a sea of steam because the lava had made contact with the ocean. 

Cook sighed sadly. "Well, so much for my dream as a tourism executive."

Otto looked up at him. "Maybe now you can continue your journeys."

Cook looked out to his ship, which was silhouetted against the starry sky. His crew was already in a lifeboat, urging him to join them. "You think so?" asked Cook.  
  


"Hey!" shouted Kamehamea nearby. "You have angered the goddess Pele. And for that, you must pay! Attack!" Kamehamea charged at Cook with the islanders right behind him. Cook screamed and dove into the lifeboat. The boat began moving over the waves towards the ship.

"C'mon, Larry," I said desperately. "I think we're next if you don't get us out of here now!"

"Okay!" said Larry. "Just a minute." He flipped up the little monitor on his arm. "Now where do you live again?"

We heard the emperor shout "Get them!", and I was horrified to see the islanders charging right at us!

"Alachua, Florida. Year 2003! Hurry!"

Larry typed in the information as best he could on the screen. The islanders were getting closer.

"Uh, Larry," said Buck. "You think you could HURRY IT UP A BIT??!!"

"I'm trying! First, I have to send Jonathan home, while sending us to the satellite at the same time!" He added, "Stupid keyboard."

Otto and I huddled with fear as the islanders were almost upon us. Buck Tuddrussel was fixing to take them all on if necessary. He reached for his ray gun.

"Got it!" shouted Larry. He pushed the last button and the four of us zapped out of there. The islanders immediately ran away screaming from our disappearing act.  
  


I opened my eyes. Whew. I wasn't in 18th century Hawaii anymore. The problem was, I wasn't home either.  
  


Ten seconds after returning to the satellite, Larry made a shocking discovery. "Uh-oh," he said.

"Now what?" asked Buck.

"I think I goofed again."

"That's it! We are getting you a bigger keyboard. Right now!" Buck ran off down a hallway.

"What happened?" asked Otto.

"It seems our friend Jonathan has been dropped of somewhere else. I had the correct date, but the wrong location."

"Well, where is he?" inquired Otto.

"According to the log, he was dropped off in..." Larry's expression changed to one of surprise. "Nowhere!"

Otto gasped. "You mean Jonathan's floating around in a void of nothing?"

"No. Just some town called Nowhere. I'm sure he'll manage."

Buck returned with a huge computer keyboard and a screwdriver in each hand. "Okay, Larry. Let's install that new keyboard!" 

"Now wait just a minute, you big...Hey!...You don't know anything about...AAAA!!!" Larry ran off in fright with Buck right behind him.

Meanwhile, Otto walked over to an atlas an opened it. It took him a while to locate the town of Nowhere. It was located in central Kansas.

"I hope you're okay, Jonathan," said Otto to himself.  
  


(A.N. This chapter contains several historical inaccuracies. For example, when James Cook discovered Hawaii, he named the islands the Sandwich Islands, in honor of the 4th earl of Sandwich, then head of the British Admiralty. Also, Kamehamea's relationship with Cook wasn't friendly at all. Cook was killed by the Hawaiians on a return voyage in 1779. And yes, I really did do a report on Cook. Where do you think I got all this information?)  
  


(Coming soon: I meet my favorite Cartoon Cartoon, Courage the Cowardly Dog. Expect some interesting surprises in this one.)   
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	9. Stuck In the Middle of Nowhere

"Stuck In the Middle of Nowhere"

  
  


(A.N. For this chapter, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to cross over this chapter into a chapter of my Courage the Cowardly Dog story, "The Return of the Hendersons: Operation Nowhere", which is a sequel to my highly acclaimed Courage story "Courage and the Hendersons". Characters and events from Chapter 8 of the "Operation Nowhere" story will appear in this chapter and vice versa. Try switching back and forth between these two chapters to compare them. So, let's see how this all plays out.)

  
  


I opened my eyes. I looked around and cursed out loud. I wasn't home at all. I felt like crying, but I pulled myself together and tried to figure out where I was.

I was on yet another road! A desert landscape lay before me. The only sign of civilization was a small town that sat on the road several miles ahead. The morning sun was beginning to head to its noontime position. Since I already felt like an egg frying on a skillet, I decided to head towards the town as quickly as I could. 

I walked for about a mile before I saw the city limits sign and came to a halt. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, so I rubbed my eyes and looked at the sign again.

"Nowhere City Limits."

I let out a whoop of joy. I was in Courage's hometown! Courage the Cowardly Dog was, as I said before, my favorite Cartoon Cartoon. Without warning, I ran towards the town as fast as my feet could carry me.

When I arrived in the downtown area of Nowhere, I stopped to catch my breath. I had covered about two miles in ten minutes, so I was quite exhausted by now. I suddenly realized that I didn't know where to go next! I knew Courage lived on the outskirts of Nowhere, but where was that exactly? The show never stressed the town too often, so I was literally lost in the middle Nowhere!

I needed to find a phone book, so I walked down the sidewalk in search of a phone. I passed several people on the sidewalk, but they all pretty much ignored me.

I saw a public water fountain off to the side. I walked over to it and took a much needed drink. Then, afterwards, something rather odd happened. A man walked up to me wearing a black 3-piece suit, black pants, shoes, and shades. This man was also carrying a small notebook and a pencil. He looked like a federal agent or something. I'd never seen him in the show before.

"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a few questions?" asked the man in a deep voice.

"Uh, sure," I said. I saw an ID tag on his suit. All it had on it was a large 'R'. "Ask away, Mr. R."

"That's Agent R," said the man.

I was rather surprised that I had assumed this man's identity correctly. 

Agent R continued. "Name?"

"Jonathan," I said shakily.

The agent seemed startled when I said my name. Did he know something about my background? Or was his name simply the same as mine, by some coincidence?

The agent quickly regained his composure. "Do you live here, Jonathan?"

"Oh, no," I said. "I'm just passing through." 

Agent R seemed disappointed by my answer. "Have you ever been here before?"

"No," I said. 

Agent R sighed. He put the notepad and pencil in his pocket, looked at me, and said, "Sorry I took up your time." With that, he walked down the sidewalk and dashed into a side alley.

For several moments, I stood on the sidewalk trying to figure out what the heck just happened to me. Since the man's name was Agent R, that must mean he worked for the government. But why was he here? Probably to investigate the weird stuff that happens in Nowhere. About time. I was a long time fan of the show, so I was well aware of creepy events that happened in Nowhere. As I began walking, I wondered what that agent would do to me if he found out that I knew about the town's strange occurrences and that I had lied to him about it. I began to walk faster.

Along the way, I passed a pet shop. I saw a young woman inside the building. She was wearing the same outfit as the guy I had just met, but she certainly wasn't acting like a secret agent. She was lying on her back in a doggie pen while several Golden Retriever puppies were jumping around her. She seemed to be enjoying herself and didn't even notice me staring at her through the front window. She reminded me of my little sister, who adores canines. Eventually, I grew tired of watching her have all the fun, so I continued walking.

After a while, I finally caught sight of a phone booth. I ran to it, but before I got there, a flash of pink caught my eye. Was it Courage? I looked harder. No, it wasn't Courage. It was some other pink dog. It appeared to be female and was traveling with a family of four. They were heading toward what looked like a museum. As they went in, I saw the pink dog enter a restroom. 

My attention then turned back to the phone booth. I went inside and opened up the phone book. As I flipped through the book, I heard something outside. I looked up and saw a group of four agents who were walking toward the museum! As they went inside, I began wondering just how many agents were walking around here. I pushed that thought aside and tried to find the last name "Bagges". I wasn't exactly sure how the last name was spelled, but suddenly, the names Eustace and Muriel caught my eye. I dialed the number.

At the lonely farmhouse, Muriel answered. "Hello?" she replied.

"Uh, hello," I said. I was trying to come up with a good reason to be invited to her house. So I finally said, "I am a traveler and I need a quick place to rest. Could I stop by your house for a short while?"

"Why sure!" answered Muriel. She gave some directions and I thanked her before hanging up. 

"Did you hear that, Eustace? We're having a new guest stop by today!"

"Blah blah blah," grumbled Eustace from his chair.

Off to the side, Courage began to grow nervous. Another visitor? Who could it be this time? Several thoughts came to mind. All of them scary. Courage howled with worry.

I followed Muriel's directions and arrived at her front porch within the hour. I knocked on the door and Eustace answered. "We don't want any," he said.

"Oh! Hello," exclaimed Muriel behind him. "Please come in."

I made my way to the kitchen table and collapsed into a chair. Muriel had fixed up a quick lunch, and gave some it to me. They were little cupcakes that had a sharp, bitter taste to them.

"What are in these things?" I said with my mouthful.

"There my special vinegar cupcakes!" she replied.

I somehow managed to swallow my bite, and pushed the rest of the cupcakes aside. "You'd probably like to know how I got here," I said.

Eustace entered the kitchen as Muriel said, "Well, certainly."

"You see," I began. "I've been all over the place trying to find my way back home. I can't seem to find any way to get back."

"Awww, you poor dear," said Muriel sympathetically.

"Yeah, too bad," answered Eustace in a sarcastic tone. He was drinking out of the milk carton from the fridge.

"Oh, Courage. Come see our new guest!" Muriel said, looking behind me.

I turned in my chair and beheld Courage standing there with a worried look on his face. I think he was confused to see the expression on my face, which looked like I had just seen my first celebrity in person. All I could do was wave my hand and shakily say "Hi" to him. Courage waved back, looking a little more comfortable by my behavior.

I looked down and noticed that I had some cupcake crumbs on my shirt. I looked at Muriel and said "Could I go out back and wash up?"

"Why sure! Just be sure to bring Courage along with you."

"Sure thing!" I said. "C'mon, Courage," I said excitedly. Courage followed me outside. I don't think he knew quite what to make of me. I hadn't threatened him at all, and that was probably the only reason why he thought I was friendly. I decided to calm Courage's nerves by introducing myself. I told him my name was Jonathan and that I was glad to meet him. Courage smiled a little and shook my hand.

I came to the water pump and Courage helped me clean up. On the way back, I stumbled over something half-buried in the ground.

"What the-...?" I said as I looked down. I got on my knees and wiped some sand away. I ended up holding a large bone in my hands. Courage hungrily tried to grab hold of the bone. 

"Oh, is this yours?" I asked.

Courage shook his head. 

"Do you know where this bone came from, Courage?" I asked.

Courage shrugged. He then began pantomiming and blubbering a bunch of syllables that sounded like "Aroo-roo-ra-roo-roo-roo." I got the impression that he didn't recall burying a bone in this part of the yard. I was also aggravated to discover that I couldn't understand what Courage was saying. I knew he could talk, but why couldn't he talk to me?

Seeing nothing else to do, I gave the bone to Courage and walked back to the house. Courage ravenously munched on the bone as he followed me inside.

I should've left the bone where it was. You see, that bone had belonged to a fierce Doberman who used to live in Nowhere. He died right behind Courage's house one night, and a freak sandstorm buried him and his bone. That bone was the only thing it had, but now that I had taken it, the Doberman's spirit was angered. It returned to his decaying body and started emerging from the ground like a zombie. In fact, that's what it looked like. It's rib cage was visible and one of his eyes was all green. (It resembled the evil dogs from the Resident Evil movie.)

Once inside, I sat on the couch while Courage gnawed on the bone at my feet. Courage looked like he was finally comfortable with being around me. Muriel was over cleaning out a closet while Eustace was in the kitchen. Things seemed kind of dull around here for the moment.

"I'm so bored," I muttered. "I wish something would happen." (You think I would have learned not to say something like that in a cartoon by now :P)

  
  


CRASH! A window shattered right before our eyes. A large thing had leaped through it from outside. Courage and I were shocked to see a zombie dog growling at us in the living room....in the middle of the day!

Courage and I screamed as the dog launched himself at Courage! Courage tossed the bone to me as the zombie dog flew past us. Courage and I quickly ran down the hallway with the half-dead canine right behind us. We ran all over the house. We inadvertently locked Muriel in the closet and ran into Eustace, who fell down the basement steps. After a lot of "AAAAUUUGGH!!"ing from both of us, the beast finally had us cowering in a corner of the kitchen.

Courage was whining and I was trying hard to stay conscious. Why was this scary Doberman here? I realized right then that this dog was looking at the bone I had in my hands. I handed the bone to Courage and the zombie watched the bone being transferred.

"Courage," I whispered to him. "I think we took this dog's bone." Courage looked at the bone in his paws with fear. "I think you'd better give it back to him," I continued.

Courage immediately put the bone on the ground in front of the zombie dog, let out an embarrassed laugh, and walked back to where I was. The zombie dog sniffed at the bone, grabbed it with his mouth, and leaped out the window from which he had come. Now his spirit could be at rest.

"Well.....that was scary," I somehow managed to say.

"Whew," said Courage with relief. For him, it probably business as usual.

The rest of the day was uneventful, believe it or not. Courage helped Muriel and Eustace out from where they were, and I apologized for putting them there in the first place as well as "accidentally" breaking the window. Muriel called the window repairman and he fixed up the window, good as new. 

Soon, it began to get dark. My excitement of spending time with Courage was beginning to fade away. There wasn't a whole lot on TV, so I decided to leave.

"We wish you could stay and meet our other guests," said Muriel, as I was about to leave.

I never saw any other guests here, so I didn't know what she was talking about. But I smiled and said thanks.

"I hope you had a grand time staying here," Muriel continued.

"Oh, yes, it was quite an adventure. In fact," I said, as I glanced at Courage. "I've had about all the adventure I can take for one day." 

So I said farewell, and I gave Courage a hug. Muriel and Eustace walked back inside, but Courage watched me leave from the porch.

"Bye, Courage!" I called out.

"Bye, Jonathan!" Courage answered. He then turned around and went inside.

It felt good to have Courage say something to me finally. When I was a considerable distance away from the house, I heard something behind me. I turned around and saw a station wagon pulling up to the house. It was probably those "other guests" that Muriel was talking about. Shrugging my shoulders, I continued walking.

I noticed some stars were beginning to appear in the darkening sky. I began to wonder if I had just visited all the Cartoon Cartoon shows that were made.

Then, I heard a roar of jet engines to side, and I suddenly remembered that there was still one show left...

(Sorry this chapter took so long to write. This past month has been VERY busy for me.)

(Only 3 chapters left! Grim and Evil parts 1 and 2, and the epilogue. Coming soon.)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Grim and Evil Part 1: Good vs Evil

Grim and Evil Part 1: Good vs. Evil

  
  


(A.N. As some of my readers have pointed out, there are no chapters for "Mike, Lu and Og" or "Whatever Happened to Robot Jones". The truth is, I have not watched enough of these shows to make a decent chapter out of them. But, just to make everyone happy, I'll include references to those shows before the end of this story. Thanks.)

  
  


I whirled around and found the source of the sound. A large Harrier jet was slowly descending to the ground about 100 feet away. I walked slowly towards it as the jet touched down. The screaming of the jet engines abruptly stopped and all I heard now was a ringing in my ears. It looked like a normal jet, except that the cockpit was a little too large. When it opened up, I saw why.

A large purple bear was sitting in the pilot's seat. It was wearing a collar, bowtie, and had a dumb, vacant look on his face. Centered in the middle of his tummy was a human stomach floating in a circular tank full of some sort of green liquid. And if that wasn't bizarre enough, a human brain was sitting in a domed tank on top of the bear's head. I could just make out some eyes and eyebrows on the brain. It must've been none other than Hector Con Carne himself, and his bear, Boscov.

I was standing just off to the side of the jet now. The bear looked over the side and turned on a large flashlight. He shined the flashlight on me, and a gruff voice said, "You there! Boy!"

"Uh, me?" I asked, shielding my eyes from the light.

"Yes, you! Get up here!"

I knew the voice belonged to Hector Con Carne, but I never could figure out how he projected it. Maybe there was some sort of speaker that I couldn't see that was blaring his voice.

A ladder came out of the jet, and I had no choice but to climb up into the cockpit. I sat in the rear seat, just like I did with Dexter in his rocket tank many hours ago. "So, what's going on, Mr. Carne?" I asked as I put my helmet on.

"Sssshhh. Top secret. I'll explain when we get back to base. And please, call me Chief," he said as the jet flew through the starry sky.

After a while, we arrived at his island hideout. The island resembled a bunny rabbit if you used a little imagination. The jet landed on a platform on top of the island which was illuminated by lights. We exited the jet and walked through a door which led to a staircase. At the end of the staircase, we entered a large room. There were giant TV screens, metal panels, and mechanical equipment all over the place. On the other side of the room, a man in a black uniform was sitting in a chair watching a small TV. 

"Skarr! Get over here!" yelled Hector.

"But, Chief, I'm not done watching this show. I want to see if this little girl will get off the island before the pirates..."

"Never mind all that! I order you to come here!"

Skarr reluctantly turned off the television and walked towards us, muttering to himself. He wore a tight-fitting leather uniform and a black military hat. He also had a large scar on one side of his face. He resembled a WWII German general, only minus the accent.

"Now that we're here," began Hector. "We..."

"Uh, excuse me," I interrupted. "Where's your other comrade? Y'know, the red-haired woman with the goggles and science suit?" (I forgot her name.)

  
  


"Oh, yes," reiterated Hector. "She's on vacation in some far away island place."

"I never get to go on vacations," muttered Skarr to himself.

"Alright! As I was saying," bellowed Hector. "Now that we are all here, we can continue with the mission."

"What mission?" argued Skarr. "You haven't even told us what we are supposed to do or why HE is here," he said, pointing to me.

"Well, I'm glad you asked," answered Hector. "You see, my latest plan is very simple. We shut down the power systems around the nation's capital and that is when we make our move."

"Oh, and how do you plan to do that?" argued Skarr. While this was going on, I decided to sit down in a chair off to the side and watch the bickering "conquerors".

"Easy!" declared Hector. Boscov punched a button on a computer and the screen showed a visual aid of Hector's description. "First, we travel to the main power station outside the nation's capital. Then, once night falls, we shut down the power. We will be in a helicopter and there we will declare our demands to the people below."

Skarr looked stunned. I could tell he thought it was the dumbest plan of all time. I, however, kinda liked it for some reason. Partly because I had never been involved in a evil plan before, and partly because it sounded really bizarre.

"That has to be," began Skarr. "The most..."

"...awesome plan I've ever heard!" I continued. "But how am I involved?"

Boscov and Hector seemed pleased by my reaction. "You will be the one who will shut off the power. Afterwards, we will take you to the Washington Monument, where you will shine a spotlight on us. Then, we give our demands."

"So when do we start?" I asked.

"Right now," was my answer.

  
  


An hour later, I was positioned inside a large power plant outside Washington D.C. Hector, Boscov, and Skarr waited outside in the helicopter they were going to use. I was assigned to find the switch that would shut down the plant and the rest of the city. I was beginning to think that maybe Hector's plan did seem kind of stupid. I mean, terror alerts were high enough already.

I was about to consider looking for a map or something, when suddenly I spotted a large on/off switch on the wall. At that moment, my walkie-talkie came alive. It was Hector.

"Big J! (That was my code name.) Big J! Come in!"

"Roger, Chief. I've located the switch."

"Well, then, switch it off so we can get out of here!"

So I did. All the lights went out at the power plant. And the local neighborhoods. And the whole city of Washington D.C. (I know that doesn't sound realistic, but that's what happened.)

Anyway, I immediately ran out of the building, into the helicopter, and took off with the rest of my temporary comrades.

They dropped me off at the door of the Washington Monument undetected by radar (and in a no-fly zone, of all places!) before flying back up into the sky. Next to me sat a spotlight. I ran over to it and tried to find the on switch. When the helicopter was in position, I flipped the switch.

Nothing happened.

I turned it off and on several times. Nothing.

"What is going on?! What is taking so long?!" shouted Hector via walkie-talkie.

"It won't turn on!" I answered.

In the chopper, Hector couldn't believe what was happening. "I can't believe this is happening! Why won't it turn on?! No one will be able to see me!"

Skarr, who figured out what the problem was long ago, sighed. "The spotlight runs on electricity from the power station you just shut off, remember?"

Hector began sputtering, trying to answer while Boscov spotted some lights in the sky that were heading towards the helicopter. 

Suddenly, we were all hit by a blinding light. The power station was working again and the city became illuminated. Apparently, we had forgotten about the back-up system. 

"Nooo! My plan's ruined!" shouted Hector.

"Uh, Chief?" asked Skarr, shakily.

"What?!" yelled Hector.

Skarr couldn't answer. He could only point to the army of attack choppers heading straight for them.

"Retreat!!" shouted Hector. Boscov turned the wheel, and the helicopter flew back towards Bunny Island with the choppers close behind.

I stood in shock as the helicopters began to leave the city. "HEY!" I shouted into the walkie-talkie. "What about me?"

"Um..." answered Hector. "We...don't...need your assistance anymore. You're on your own." The walkie-talkie stopped working at that moment.

"Hey! Don't go!" I shouted.

"FREEZE!" said a voice behind me. I turned around and dropped the walkie-talkie. I found myself facing an army of police cars, SWAT trucks, and military vehicles. The people in the vehicles had their guns pointed right at me. There must've been about 100+ officers directing their weapons at me. Laser sights were dancing all over my shirt.

I must say, I was not at all pleased by this situation. This was worse than the monster from Townsville, the standoff with the Eds, and the zombie Doberman combined! I felt sure that I was going to be fired upon at any second. Only someone with a lot of power could get me out of this.

Before I could think of another thought, a brilliant pink light shined from behind me. I was just about to turn around when a bony hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me through the vortex.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Grim and Evil Part 2: A Deal With Death

Grim and Evil Part 2: A Deal With Death

  
  


A flash of pink later, I found myself in a living room. A little boy was watching TV while a little girl was looking right at me. 

"No, Grim," said the little girl. "I asked for a 'pie', not a 'guy'."

I was still a little shocked at the moment. Actually, I was close to hysterics! Since I had just been pulled out of the world of Evil Con Carne, I knew that I must now be in the household of Billy, Mandy, and Grim. 

I looked at Mandy. She was a small girl with blond hair and no nose. She looked like she could beat the crap out of anyone who got in her way. I reminded myself to never get on this girl's bad side.

Then I saw Billy. He was sitting on the couch and staring at the TV set. He wore a little red hat, a blue-white striped shirt, and shoes. He had an extremely large nose, and a dumb look on his face, similar to Boscov's. How he could be Mandy's brother, I had no idea.

I then realized that the bony hand was still gripping my shoulder. I looked at the hand, which was all bones, of course, and my eyes traveled up to the face. It was Grim alright. He wore that same black cloak and had a scythe in his other hand. His skull-like face was one of surprise.

I jumped back a bit, but Grim still held on to me. "Oops! Sorry, my mistake." He then began leading me back to the vortex.

"No, wait!" I cried. I definitely did not want to be facing the firing squad again. I began to struggle free.

"Could you guys keep it down?!" yelled Billy, his eyes glued to the tube. "I can't hear Robot Bones!"

At that moment, a hail of bullets flew out of the vortex! Some of them became embedded in Grim's bony frame. Others hit the nearby walls and pictures and vases and things.

"Grim!" shouted Mandy, who was starting to get ticked off.

Just like that, Grim whipped his scythe around and closed the vortex. Afterwards, he turned to me.

"Now look at what you did!" exclaimed Grim as he showed me where the bullets had created holes in his cloak. You could see the bullets stuck there in Grim's bones. Grim sighed with frustration. "Excuse me while I remove these bullets. I'll be right back." And Grim walked off towards the bathroom.

I turned and saw Mandy staring up at me. She had a look of interest on her face. "What are you? Some sort of convicted criminal?"

"No," I said. So I began telling my story of how I got here, but I didn't get very far. It was apparent that Mandy didn't believe me, so I blurted out, "And then I woke up. And that's when Grim grabbed me."

"Whatever," mumbled Mandy. She turned and headed toward the kitchen.

I wish I could wake up, if this was all a dream. To tell you the truth, I was beginning to get tired of zapping from cartoon show to cartoon show. Sure, I was having a good time and all, but even I have limits.

Grim came back. He had removed the bullets and had, somehow, sewed up the holes in his suit.

He looked at me. "It looks like you'll be staying with us for a while."

"But Grim," I argued. "I need to get back home!"

"Very well," said Grim. "I will return you to your home." 

For a moment, I thought he was kidding. This is it! Grim was able to take me back home!

"But first, you must to something for me."

Drat. The catch.

"What," I muttered.

Grim handed me a list. "The children's parents are not here right now. Go out and get these things before they come back. Then, I will try and transport you back to your home."

"Deal?" I asked.

"Deal," answered Grim.

I grabbed the list and ran out the door.

Mandy came back from the kitchen and sat on the couch with Billy. "Where'd that weirdo get to?" called out Mandy.

"He went to run some errands for us," answered Grim.

"How is going to do that without any..."

I ran back into the house. "Uh, Grim, could I have some cash?"

Grim gave me a credit card instead, so I left again.

Grim then went over and sat on the couch with the kids.

Billy giggled. "That Robot Bones is so funny."

"That's 'Jones', Billy," said his sister.

"I can't believe you two actually watch this show," complained Grim. "This silly cartoon looks like they've been colored with crayons!"

The three of them MST'd the show until it ended.

  
  


A half hour later, I returned with two grocery bags.

"Did you get everything?" asked Grim.

I let out a heavy sigh. "Let's see," I said as I emptied the bags onto the table. "A dozen eggs, milk, bread, pancake mix, cereal, shoe polish, bleach, and five pairs of socks. All here."

"Well, so they are," said Grim.

"OK, now it's time for your half of the deal," I said.

"Very well," said Grim. He grabbed his scythe and sliced a big hole in the air. Another pink vortex appeared, but this one was different. This one actually let me see what was on the other side. Imagine my surprise when I looked through the vortex and saw myself sleeping on the couch at home!

"Hey, that's me! I'm asleep!" I exclaimed.

"Anything you wish to do before you leave?" asked Grim.

Actually, I kinda wanted to have a souvenir of some kind. I quickly grabbed one of the pair of socks and put it in my pocket.

"Bye, kids!" I said to Billy and Mandy.

"Bye, Mr. Stranger!" said Billy.

"See ya," said Mandy.

"OK, I'm ready, Grim. How does this work? Do I just...?"

Grim abruptly pushed me through the vortex.

I experienced a brief flash of pink and then everything went black.

(I know. These last two chapters are short. I was kind of in a hurry.)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Home at Last

Home At Last

  
  


"Jonathan!"

I sat up on the couch. I saw my mother looking at me from across the room.

"Jonathan, didn't I tell you stop watching cartoons last night?"

I looked at the TV and saw Yogi Bear running from the Ranger. (No test patterns. I love that channel.) Then I looked at myself and smiled. I was no longer a cartoon character! I was back to good old flesh and blood. I looked around the room. Not a spot of Technicolor anywhere!

"Answer me, young man," my mother continued. (I hate it when she says that. I'm 17, for goodness sake!) 

"Uh, yeah, sorry, Mom," I said.

"Well, you had better be lucky it's Saturday, Jonathan. I guess you can go watch cartoons now. Just make sure this doesn't happen again." Mom turned and went back to bed.

Normally, I would've been glad to watch Saturday morning cartoons, but considering what I had been through, I gladly made an exception.

But, did I really go through all that? Or was it all a dream?

It had to be a dream. I mean, there was no way...

I felt a lump underneath the blanket. I reached in and pulled it out.

It was the pair of socks.

I tossed the socks into a nearby laundry basket. Feeling groggy, I went to find a good R-rated movie to watch. After all, I needed a little break from all the animation.

As I watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" with a bowl of Cheerios, I wondered if I would be having a Nicktoons dream anytime soon.

  
  


The End

  
  


(I don't think I'll have the time to create a Nicktoon crossover story. I think I'll leave that to someone else. Thanks.) 


End file.
